John's Entertainment News Web Log

The Essentials: Part 3 (1991-Present)

2009-08-20T07:00:00.005-07:00

This is the final in a three part series outlining my 30 favorite movie performances of all time (See parts one and two). This portion of the list the last two decades.

Alan Rickman as the Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)

Just as he does in Quigley Down Under and the Harry Potter series, Rickman shows why he's better than anyone at playing a guy in a rotten mood. There's something so timeless about Prince of Thieves. I think it's the balance that is achieved by putting two great acters in Rickman and Morgan Freeman on screen with two of the worst actors of that decade in Kevin Costner and Christian Slater. It's as if Rickman knew this movie would be awful and decided to ham it up and have some fun. And boy does he ever. Watch it again and you'll see Costner's wandering English accent upstaged by Rickman's ornery facial expressions. Favorite Quote: "That's it then. Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas."

Daniel Day-Lewis as Hawkeye in The Last of the Mohicans (1992)

Daniel Day-Lewis is considered one of the greatest actors of his generation largely because of how much of himself he throws into his roles. The Last of the Mohicans is no exception. Favorite Quote: Duncan: "There is a war on. How is it you are headed west?" Hawkeye: "Well, we kinda face to the north and real sudden-like turn left."

Kenneth Branaugh as Benedick in Much Ado About Nothing (1993)

Kenneth Branaugh spent most of the 1990's becoming the next Laurence Olivier adapting the works of Shakespeare for the big screen. One such example was the star-studded Much Ado About Nothing, which if you can get past the ultra-happiness that abounds, is a decent movie. An amusing side story is the courting that goes on between Branaugh's Benedict and his then wife Emma Thompson's Beatrice. Favorite Quote: "Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humor? No. The world must be peopled."

Tommy Lee Jones as Deputy US Marshal Samuel Gerard in The Fugitive (1993)

I confess that I had never heard of Tommy Lee Jones prior to the release of The Fugitive, even though he had appeared in more than 30 movies to that point. So when I went to see this movie it was for Harrison Ford. And while Mr. Ford was solid, it was Mr. Jones' take-no-crap attitude that stole the show. Favorite Quote: Gerard: "Newman, what are you doing?" Newman: "I'm thinking." Gerard: "Well, think me up a cup of coffee and a chocolate doughnut with some of those little sprinkles on top, just as long as you're thinking."

Dennis Quaid as Jeff Blue in Undercover Blues (1993)

They don't make movies like this one anymore. If Undercover Blues were to come out out today, Hollywood wouldn't know how to classify it. They would either add more children and market it towards kids or make it raunchier and market it toward more "mature" audiences. But since it came out in the early 1990's, we have a fun little husband and wife spy duo fighting crime if for no other reason than for their daughter to able to grow up in a better world. Kathleen Turner plays the "straight man" which leaves Dennis Quaid as the goof ball. Favorite Quote: Muerte: "My name... is Muerte!" Jeff: "Nice to meet you Morty, my name is Jeff."

Ralph Fiennes as Charles Van Doren in Quiz Show (1994)

The movie Quiz Show is full great performances (except for maybe Rob Morrow whose accent bugs me). Director Robert Redford took what would otherwise be a boring true story and crafts it into an interesting, character-driven drama. The character at the center of it all is Fiennes' Van Doren whose ethical dilemas drive the film. Favorite Quote: "I've been swarmed by stockbrokers lately; I feel like a girl with a bad reputation."

Christopher Guest as Corky St. Clair in Waiting for Guffman (1996)

The funniest part about each of the Christopher Guest mocumentaries is Guest himself. The best example is drama queen (in more ways than one) Corky in Waiting for Guffman. Favorite Quote: "This is my life here we're talking about! We're not just talkin' about, you know, somethin' else, were talking about my life, you know? And it's forcing me to do somethin' I don't wanna do. To leave. To, to go out and just leave and go home and say, make a clean cut here and say 'no way, Corky, you're not puttin' up with these people!' And I'll tell you why I can't put up with you people: because you're bastard people! That's what you are! You're just bastard people! And I'm goin' home and I'm gonna... I'm gonna bite my pillow, is what I'm gonna do!"

Bill Murray as Wallace Ritchie in The Man Who Knew Too Little (1997)

There are several Bill Murray comedic roles I could have chosen for this list. I was especially torn between this and What About Bob?, but there's something about The Man Who Knew Too Little that cracks me up every time I watch it. I also enjoy the scenes where Bill shows his versatility by playing a a character who is a bad actor. Favorite Quote: "The letters. She told me about them. I know all about the letters. How do you think I know? She told me. Thats how I found out."

George Clooney as Ulysses Everett McGill in O Brother Where Art Thou? (2000)

I don't much care for George Clooney. He's too much of a movie star and not enough of an actor. One notable exception is his work in the Coen brothers' O Brother Where Art Thou?, where he delivers their dialogue superbly. Favorite Quote: Take your pick from the video below (2:16).

Tom Hanks as Chuck Noland in Cast Away (2000)

How many other actors could appear solo on the screen for two hours without boring or annoying the audience? Can you picture Robin Williams or Jim Carrey in the lead role of Cast Away? How about Russell Crowe who won the Oscar that year? Tom Hanks shows he is the master of his craft in this movie (not to mention the master of his body by losing 50 pounds during production). Also, let's not forget his supporting actor is a volleyball. Favorite Quote: "So, let me get one thing straight here... We have a pro football team now, but they're in Nashville?"

Audrey Tautou as Amélie Poulain in Amelie (2001)

Before raising controversy in the film adaptation of The Da Vinci Code, Ms Tautou burst on to the international movie scene as the title character in the hit Amélie. She plays an imaginative young French girl who overcomes her isolated upbringing and finds love. It's a fun quirky movie and Tautou's expressions bring it to life. Favorite Quote: "At least you'll never be a vegetable. Even artichokes have hearts."

Paul Bettany as Dr. Stephen Maturin in Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)

Russell Crowe gives a strong performance as Captain Jack Aubrey, but Bettany is right there ready to go toe to toe with him. In a movie with a rather simple overall plot, it's the collection of side stories, many of which involve Dr. Maturin, that drive this film. Favorite Quote: See the video below (1:32).

The Essentials: Part 2 (1966-1988)

2009-08-19T07:00:00.005-07:00

This is second in a three part series outlining my 30 favorite movie performances of all time. See part one here. This portion of the list takes us from the mid-60's through the 1980's.

Peter O'Toole as Simon Dermott in How to Steal a Million (1966)

I love a good caper movie, even one with a story as unconventional as this one. O'Toole plays a would-be thief who, although we know nothing about him, we identify with immediately. His chemistry with Hepburn helps keep the tone of the movie light. Favorite Quote: "I want you to take a long look at the trees, the blue sky, and the river, all of which I personally loathe, which is why a juicy stretch in a French prison doesn't bother me at all."

Paul Scofield as Sir Thomas More in A Man for All Seasons (1966)

This is the story of the man who defied King Henry VIII in his quest for a divorce. Scofield is outstanding as he shows not only More's defiance, but also his doubts. Favorite Quote: Duke of Norfolk: "Oh confound all this. I'm not a scholar, I don't know whether the marriage was lawful or not but dammit, Thomas, look at these names! Why can't you do as I did and come with us, for fellowship?" Sir Thomas More: "And when we die, and you are sent to heaven for doing your conscience, and I am sent to hell for not doing mine, will you come with me, for fellowship?"

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

For a while after Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp came out, I had a difficult time comparing its merits to those of the original 1971 version. I essentially concluded that they were two very strange movies each influenced by different drugs. Now that a little time has passed, I can see that 1971 version is old and dated and that Charlie's haircut and inability to burp almost ruin the movie. The newer version is clearly a more polished adaptation. But having said that, Wilder is the better Wonka. His part-irritated, part-irritating attitude shows his inner child. His one liners when addressing the spoiled children and their parents are priceless. Favorite Quote: "We are the music makers; and we are the dreamers of dreams."

Al Pacino as Michael Corleone in The Godfather (1972)

The characters Al Pacino plays these days are so over the top, you almost wouldn't recognize him in The Godfather, where he commands attention with his edgy silence. Michael Corleone's transformation from innocent fresh-out-of-the-army Mike to Godfather Michael Corleone is the best part of a famously well-crafted movie. Favorite Quote: Michael: "My father is no different than any powerful man, any man with power, like a president or senator." Kay: "Do you know how naive you sound, Michael? Presidents and senators don't have men killed." Michael: "Oh. Who's being naive, Kay?"

Peter Ustinov as Prince John (voice) in Robin Hood (1973)

Back before every character in every animated movie was voiced by a distractingly famous actor, Disney used to employ a small band of regulars who would do multiple voices in multiple movies. Peter Ustinov was a notable exception. Disney's Robin Hood is little more than a stage for Ustinov to ham it up to the point where he makes the Robin Hood character seem downright bland. Favorite Quote: "This crown gives me a feeling of power! Power! Forgive me a cruel chuckle. Heh-heh-heh. Power..."

Harrison Ford as Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

I could have picked any number of Harrison Ford roles to be among my favorites: Dr. Richard Kimball, Jack Ryan, Indiana Jones. But I settled on Han Solo because of the dynamic he brings to trilogy's main trio. In the first movie, he's a scoundrel. In the third movie he's practically a family man. In The Empire Strikes Back he's in transition. He knows the cause he's involved in is right, but he's also not fully head over heals in love with Princess Leia yet. Favorite Quote: Princess Leia: "I love you." Han Solo: "I know."

Chevy Chase as Irwin Fletcher in Fletch (1985)

Back in the mid 1980's, Chevy Chase was at the top of his game. He could deliver sarcastic lines better than anyone. Fletch is just one of many characters he portrayed to do so. Favorite Quote: "Can I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo." Or any of the Utah jokes below (1:34).

Holly Hunter as Edwina "Ed" McDunnough in Raising Arizona (1987)

I'm of two minds when it comes to the work of Joel & Ethan Coen. Half of their movies I absolutely love and the other half I just can't wrap my mind around. My two favorites are Raising Arizona and O Brother, Where Art Thou?, both of which feature Hunter in the role of career criminal's strong-willed wife. In Raising Arizona she brings the perfect balance of sass and vulnerability to a cast of characters tailor made for the Coens' quirky dialogue. Favorite Quote: Ed: "I love him so much!" HI: "I know you do, honey." Ed: "I love him so much!" HI: "I know you do."

Val Kilmer as Madmartigan in Willow (1988)

OK, so what if Willow is essentially a ripoff of Lord of the Rings with a princess baby instead of a ring? It's still a fun movie. The best performance comes from then unknown Val Kilmer as the greatest swordsman who ever lived. Favorite Quote: "'I love you Sorsha?' I don't love her, she kicked me in the face! I hate her... Don't I?"

Tomorrow: Part 3 (1991-Present)

The Essentials: Part 1 (1934-1964)

2009-08-18T07:00:00.008-07:00

This is first in a three part series outlining my 30 favorite movie performances of all time. As you'll see over the next few days, some are universally recognized as triumphant achievement in the field of acting, whereas others are just ones I happen to like. They are listed in chronological order. The first portion of the list leads us through the black-and-white era of film making.

Clark Gable as Peter Warne in It Happened One Night (1934)

Frank Capra, who was at Columbia Pictures, borrowed Gable and Claudette Colbert from MGM and shot this movie in just two weeks. What followed was a sweep of the five big Oscars (Best Picture, Director, Actor, Actress, Screenplay). In it Gable shows why he was one of Hollywood's biggest stars as he plays the pessimist who falls in love. Favorite Quote: "I want to see what love looks like when it's triumphant. I haven't had a good laugh in a week."

William Powell and Myrna Loy as Nick & Nora Charles in The Thin Man Series (1934-47)

Best onscreen couple ever. Period. Most movies don't spawn five sequels these days because even Hollywood fat cats know that almost any franchise would be short on creativity by the time the sixth installment came around. The entire Thin Man series, however, is quite entertaining. I'm not saying the Song of the Thin Man (1947) is as fresh as the original 1934 film, but William Powell and Myrna Loy are still just as great. All told, the two appeared in 15 films together, but the best are the Thin Man movies. Favorite Quote: Nick: "I'm a hero. I was shot twice in the Tribune." Nora: "I read where you were shot five times in the tabloids." Nick: "It's not true. He didn't come anywhere near my tabloids."

Rosalind Russell as Hildy Johnson in His Girl Friday (1940)

This movie is based on the play The Front Page, which had been adapted for the screen just a few years prior. However, in them the two main characters were both men. In this case, it was Russell cast opposite Cary Grant adding the dynamic of a romantic history. The fast talking moves the film along quickly and Russell is right at the center of it all. Favorite Quote: "A big fat lummox like you hiring an airplane to write: 'Hildy, don't be hasty. Remember my dimple. Walter.' Delayed our divorce 20 minutes while the judge went out and watched it."

James Cagney as Cody Jarrett in White Heat (1949)

James Cagney was a very talented actor, alternating in his film roles between singer/dancer good guys and angry intense mobsters. In White Heat, he is the epitome of the latter. Favorite Quote: Roy: "You wouldn't kill me in cold blood, would ya?" Cody: "No, I'll let ya warm up a little."

Orsen Welles as Harry Lime in The Third Man (1949)

Forty-five minutes in to the film, Welles finally makes his appearance as Harry Lime and then promptly steals the show. His character is amoral to say the least, and Welles plays the part convincingly. Favorite Quote: "In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."

Audrey Hepburn as Princess Ann in Roman Holiday (1953)

There are plenty of Audrey Hepburn movies to choose from, but I picked her breakout role in Roman Holiday because it's a well-crafted film that offers up plenty of fun without trying to do too much. The chemistry between Hepburn and Peck is great. Favorite Quote: "I've never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. With my dress off, it's MOST unusual."

Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)

I know Harper Lee's book is an American classic, but that didn't dissuade me from opting to just see the movie when I was assigned to read it in high school. I remember being amazed at how strong a performance Peck gave. It's no wonder Atticus Finch was named the American Film Institute's Greatest Film Hero of All Time. Favorite Quote: "Now, gentlemen, in this country, our courts are the great levelers. In our courts, all men are created equal. I'm no idealist to believe firmly in the integrity of our courts and of our jury system - that's no ideal to me. That is a living, working reality! Now I am confident that you gentlemen will review, without passion, the evidence that you have heard, come to a decision and restore this man to his family. In the name of God, do your duty. In the name of God, believe... Tom Robinson."

Slim Pickens as Major "King" Kong in Dr. Strangelove (1964)

Peter Sellers plays three characters in Dr. Strangelove and originally Major Kong was to be the fourth, but it was decided to cast Pickens instead. He doesn't disappoint as the Southern good ole boy bent on fulfilling his mission no matter the cost. Favorite Quote: "Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff."

Tomorrow: Part 2 (1966-1988)

Generation E

2009-08-15T08:00:00.006-07:00

Most of the television discussed on this entertainment-themed web log is either the scripted kind or sports. Rarely do I venture into the realm of unscripted shows or so-called reality TV (except to discuss Dog the Bounty Hunter). Today, however I would like to discuss an alarming trend in today's television broadcasting. That is the emergence of thought control. Apparently there are 24-hour news channels out there that, instead of trying to just present the news, put politically-biased editorial commentary with their coverage. I'm told that Fox News caters to the politically conservative while MSNBC has copied that business model and slants its coverage to appeal to people who love the party currently in power (I've previously stated my opinions of one such MSNBC anchor here). Meanwhile CNN is trying so hard to be cool, even at the cost of professionalism. Case in point: what's the point of having a 24-hour news network when people who tune in for coverage of election riots in Iran can only get reruns of talk shows. But that's OK because CNN has really cool graphics and pretty young fashion reporters. Plus, now you can follow CNN on Twitter.

Another emerging trend in the market of thought control is the drone factory known by one simple letter: E! (the exclamation point is theirs, not mine). Have you watched this channel lately? Apparently the E stands for entertainment, but you'd be surprised what they present as such. At least I know where to turn when I need to know what Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan are doing. The one thing going against E! is that it's difficult to mold minds when heads are empty. Take for example the clip below (1:16). It's from a program that aired on E! called "Wildest Commercial Moments." Instead of showing funny commercials and letting the audience laugh at how amusing they are, E! decided its audience probably wouldn't understand the sophisticated humor of bad local commercials so they provided annoying "comedians" in pop-up windows to tell us what's funny.

In a similar vein is the VH1 series "I Love the Decade." Instead of presenting a nostalgic look at what went down in the 1980's, they have to had commentary from people whose memories I'm suppose to value over my own.

I've got to go now. I've taken up too much of your time as it is. In fact, while you were reading this Tom Cruise and Angelina Jolie adopted twin Asian babies and named them after Michael Jackson and Anna Nicole Smith.

You're welcome, ESPN

2009-08-09T05:00:00.005-07:00

This week the college football writers of ESPN.com unveiled their proposal of how they would fix the current mess known as the BCS. It is suspiciously like My plan to fix college football that I posted here three years ago. Both plans call for a complete overhaul of college football by eliminating the BCS and current conferences. Both call for a top tier of 40 schools divided into four conferences based solely on geography. Both plans call for a playoff of the four conference champs to determine a national champion. Both plans call for poor performers to be relegated to the second tier at the end of each season. Where did ESPN get their idea? Let's just say I have my suspicions. To be fair, there are a few differences between the proposals. Whereas my plan calls for three tiers of 40 teams, their plan calls for a first tier of 40 and second tier of 80. Also, I suppose I hadn't gone as far as to name my conferences. Theirs are named after legendary coaches. Too bad our plans have no chance of being implemented. That is to say my plan, posted here in the blogosphere, has no chance. ESPN's clout gives their plan maybe a one half of one percent chance of being implemented.

My Map:

ESPN's Map:

Extradition: British Columbia

2009-08-07T06:00:00.002-07:00

Don't forget. Tonight is the season premiere of Psych.

Family Portrait

2009-08-05T05:45:00.004-07:00

On a recent trip to my parent's house I went through my old junk from when I was a kid and found the "Marvel Super Heroes Fantasy Jigsaw Puzzle: A Marvel Comics Family Portrait Featuring Over 130 Favorite Characters" (see the full box front and back). I was into super heroes in a big way when I was a kid. It was limited mostly to toys and Saturday-morning cartoons and never translated into comic book collecting. Still, one doesn't have to be Comic Book Guy to recognize many of the characters in this group shot since many have made their way to big screen.

Below are several side-by-side comparisons of the Marvel comic book heroes and villains in the puzzle form and cinematic form, along with my grade for each adaptation.

X-Men Trilogy

Professor X

Even though I was never a Star Trek fan, it's hard to think of a better actor than Patrick Stewart to play this part. Plus, he was already bald. Grade: A

Magneto

Thanks to the X-Men and Lord of the Rings trilogies, Ian McKellen went from a British stage actor not all that well known by the mainstream public to nerd icon. Still, he seems a bit older than the guy in the puzzle, who if you'll look closely, appears to be checking out Storm's mid-rift, something else that would be a stretch for Sir Ian. Grade: B-

Wolverine

In the first X-Men movie, Hugh Jackman's character is complaining about the matching leather uniforms by saying "You actually go outside in these things?" Cyclops responds with "Well, what would you prefer? Yellow spandex?" If he wanted a higher grade here, he should have said "Yes." Grade: B

Cyclops

James Marsden, Hollywood's go-to "Other Guy" when it comes to love triangles, apparently has better pretty-boy locks than the guy in the puzzle. Still, the visor thing (adjusted for technological advances) is pretty cool. Grade: A-

Storm

A lot of people find Halle Berry sexy. I've never been much of a fan (even before Cat Woman). Berry, apparently left her sexiness out of the movie, while the puzzle Storm is flaunting hers. And if I recall, Storm is African whereas Halle Berry just sort mumbled her way in and out of some accent in the X-Men movies. Being black and having white hair isn't enough. Grade: C+

Iceman

When I was a kid, Iceman shared a cartoon with Spider-Man. But apparently he's now an X-Man, and a rather bland one at that. Frozone from The Incredibles seems to have gotton closer on the super powers. Grade: B

Nightcrawler

The makeup people nailed this one. Alan Cumming's got it all: blue skin, a pointy tail, yellow eyes and only two fingers on each hand. Grade: A

Colossus

Colossus was one of the main characters from the cartoon. Too bad he's hardly in the movies. Still, the adaptation seems pretty good. Grade: A-

Beast

He's a furry blue man. It would be pretty hard to mess it up. Yet even though Kelsey Grammer is covered in makeup, he still manages to have Frasier hair. Grade: B+

Angel (aka Archangel)


The wings are excellent. The rest, not so much. Grade: B

Kitty Pryde (aka Shadowcat)

This character appears in all three X-Men movies, each time played by a different actress. The most famous, and one with the biggest part is Juno's Ellen Page in X-Men III. Again, what we're missing here is the yellow spandex. Grade: B

Fantastic 4, Rise of the Silver Surfer

Mr. Fantastic

The attention to detail is earning the grade here. If it weren't for Ioan Gruffudd's gray temples, we're looking at a B at best. Grade: A-

Invisible Girl

Jessica Alba is built like a female cartoon super hero. And while I don't have a problem with the dyed-blonde hair, the fake blue eyes are a bit creepy at times. Grade: B+

Human Torch


Like Beast above, it would be pretty hard to screw this one up. He's a guy on fire. Grade: A-

Thing

The hardest of the Fantastic Four to recreate must have been Thing. You can't argue with the end result. Grade: A

Dr. Doom

Like Cyclops above, this one is all about the metal stuck to the face. It's close enough. Grade: A-

Silver Surfer


The guy in the puzzle is more like the Silver Body Boarder, so in that respect the movie version is better. Grade: A

Galactus

On the left we have a guy who manages to fit into a group photo. On the right we have a swirling galactic vortex about to consume Earth. At least the helmet shape comes through when he explodes in the movie's climactic scene. Grade: D

Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2

Spider-Man


The color and detail in the movie version look pretty sharp. Too bad Tobey Maguire's underneath the mask. Spider-Man Grade: A-, Peter Parker Grade: F

Green Goblin

The guy in the puzzle appears to be an actual green goblin. Willem Dafoe is wearing a big metal helmet/mask thing that maybe looks like a goblin. Grade: D+

Dr. Octopus


Alfred Molina is sporting modern sun glasses instead of goggles and plain clothes instead of green spandex, but the octopus tentacles are pretty cool. Grade: B+

Iron Man, Iron Man 2

Iron Man

The face shape and color hues are off a bit, but like Spider-Man, the movie version looks pretty sharp. Grade: A-

Black Widow

Though still a year away, photos from Iron Man 2 have already been released. The part of Black Widow will be played by Scarlett Johansson. This is similar to the Jessica Alba situation in that we run in to natural hair-color issues. Maybe the two actresses would have done better to switch parts. Aside from the hair, which is easy to dye, it's hard to complain too much with the casting. Grade: B+

Daredevil

Daredevil

Even though the nubby little horns on Ben Affleck's hood/mask aren't as bad as George Clooney's infamous Batman nipples, the all red leather look is a bit silly. Plus, it's Ben Affleck underneath. Daredevil Grade: B-, Matt Murdock Grade: D+

Kingpin

The obvious difference between puzzle Kingpin and movie Kingpin is just too glaring. They can call it getting with the times, but I can't believe the movie makers expect us to accept that their Kingpin doesn't have an ascot. Where did you think I was going with this? The cigar? Oh, race. Yeah, I don't care about that. Michael Clark Duncan works in this role. Plus he gets the already-bald points. Grade: B+

Blade Trilogy

Blade

The differences between the puzzle and movie versions of Blade are purely a matter of fashion. So although I would like to have seen Wesley Snipes with a Jheri curl, I don't blame the movie makers for going modern with the hair. Grade: B+

The Hulk, The Incredible Hulk

The Hulk

As I've stated many times in this web log, I liked the Hulk cartoon. I liked the Hulk TV show. I didn't like that the movie was a combination of the two. I guess you could say the first hulk is more like the cartoon and the second is more like the TV show. But which is more like the puzzle? It would appear the answer is the first one, because despite advances is computer-generated imagery, he is a closer adaptation because he has purple pants and is actually green. Hulk (2003) Grade: B+, The Incredible Hulk (2008) Grade: B-

Howard the Duck

Howard the Duck

Whereas puzzle Howard the Duck looks a lot like Donald Duck with a cigar, movie Howard the Duck was actually a $2 million robotic suit. Grade: B-

Captain America

Captain America

The 1990 movie Captain America is by all accounts a terrible movie (Watch the trailer here). Its IMDb User Rating is an anemic 2.8 out of 10 (even Howard the Duck managed a 4.0). But the costume is spot on, aside from the fact that it appears to be constructed from colorful garbage bags. Grade: B+

Red Skull

Puzzle Red Skull lives up to his name. Movie Red Skull looks as though he would be better named Red Skinless Face Guy or Smuckers Man. Grade: B-

Coming soon to a theater near you...

Nick Fury

Nick Fury

I could have listed this character up with Iron Man and Black widow, but Samuel L. Jackson's cameo after the Iron Man closing credits was just a ploy to plug his own movie coming out next year. There doesn't appear to be a whole lot in common between puzzle Nick Fury and movie Nick Fury besides the eye patch. In fact, movie Nick Fury looks suspiciously like Shaft. Grade: B-

Thor

Thor	Loki

The movie adaptation of Thor is due out in 2011. Besides the Norse god super hero, it will have Loki as the villain, so watch for that. Also due in 2011 is The First Avenger: Captain America. Hopefully it will be better than the 1990 version. Note, as I stated, I didn't collect comic books, so grades were based almost entirely on the visual representation presented above, with a little help from my limited memory of the cartoons. Feel free to comment at the risk of being called a nerd.

Would you like a little cereal?

2009-08-04T06:00:00.005-07:00

Season 2 of Flight of the Conchords comes out on DVD today, not that I expect you to rush out and buy it. I just wanted an excuse to show a clip.

Myrna Loy

2009-08-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 104th anniversary of the birth of the late Myrna Loy. The actress, who died in 1993, was best known for her portrayal of Nora Charles in the six Thin Man movies (1934-47). She was hugely popular in the 1930's and 40's, having also appeared in The Best Years of Our Lives (1946), Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948 opposite Cary Grant), and Cheaper by the Dozen (1950). She began her career in the silent film era where she often played the role of the exotic femme fatale. After the advent of sound her roles switched to that of the witty, urbane, professional woman or loyal housewife. Legend has it that Loy was the favorite star of famed outlaw John Dillinger and that he came out of hiding in 1934 just to see her in Manhattan Melodrama. He was gunned down by FBI agents upon leaving the theater.

If you've never heard of Myrna Loy or have never seen the Thin Man movies, it's about time you sat down for a marathon.

100

2009-08-01T06:00:00.003-07:00

Last year Entertainment News released its list of the 100 most list-worthy individuals, setting off a firestorm of water-cooler debate and fanhood posturing. Essentially, it was a list of the people who most deserve to be on a list. A year has passed and we now present the 100 Most List-worthy Individuals of 2009. As was the case last year, eligibility rules are simple:

    1. The person must be either real or fictitious.
    2. If real, the person must still be alive.
    3. The person need not be a person at all.

All other criteria is strictly confidential. Click here for the expanded list which includes photos, descriptions and prior rankings.

  1. Chuck Norris
  2. Xuxa
  3. Xena: Warrior Princess
  4. The Most Interesting Man in the World
  5. Duane Chapman
  6. Fabio
  7. Hobbes
  8. Sinbad
  9. Rowlf
10. Winnie the Pooh
11. Vin Diesel
12. Antonin Scalia
13. Bat Boy
14. Stephen Hawking
15. Buster Bluth
16. Edson Arantes do Nascimento
17. Arthur Fonzarelli
18. Lex Luthor
19. Colonel Mustard
20. Ivan Lendl
21. Chief Clancy Wiggum
22. Ichiro
23. David St. Hubbins
24. Detective Lennie Briscoe
25. Alex Trebek
26. Pauly Shore
27. Dirk Benedict
28. ALF
29. Patrick Swayze
30. Garth Algar
31. Plácido Domingo
32. Brigitte Bardot
33. Jim Nantz
34. Danielle Steel
35. Mr. T
36. Lara Croft
37. Fat Lever
38. Eleanor
39. Ahmad Rashad
40. Vidal Sassoon
41. Melanie Chisholm
42. Grimace
43. Count Chocula
44. David Bowie
45. Jessica Rabbit
46. Neil Diamond
47. Meatloaf
48. Patrick Star
49. Ringo Star
50. Steve Buscemi

51. Q
52. Q-Bert
53. Franka Potente
54. Tom Servo
55. Edward Scissorhands
56. Delta Burke
57. Alfred E. Neuman
58. Warwick Davis
60. Bibleman
60. Rachel Ray
61. Willie Nelson
62. Betty Crocker
63. Derek Jacobi
64. Casey Kasem
65. Abe Vigoda
66. Lando Calrissian
67. Vanna White
68. Dr. Egon Spengler
69. Norm Abrams
70. Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind
71. Weird Al Yankovic
72. John Astin
73. Gromit
74. Sally Jesse Rafael
75. Gloria Gaynor
76. Billy Zane
77. El Guapo
78. Dan Quayle
79. Pierluigi Collina
80. Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer
81. Laura Bush
82. The Phoenix Suns Gorilla
83. Sonic the Hedgehog
84. Billy Joel
85. The Noid
86. Heather Mitts
87. Dr. Strangelove
88. Usain Bolt
89. Michael J. Fox
90. Mercer Mayer
91. Jenny Berggren
92. Ernest Borgnine
93. Tyra Banks
94. Makoto Nagano
95. Alan Greenspan
96. Brian Doyle-Murray
97. Angela Merkel
98. Detective Harry Callahan
99. Michael Vick
100. Kim Jong Il

August and Nothing After

2009-07-20T12:09:00.009-07:00

It's been three months since my last post and I have to admit I don't really miss it. I have therefore decided to hang up the blog and walk away for a while. But before I go, I'm going to turn over my bucket of ideas. I'm going to fizzle out with a bang as it were. So during the month of August I will be adding to my web log like mad. My previous best for a single month was November of 2006 where I wrote 8 web log entries. I'm going to far surpass that next month. Among the topics to be highlighted are the 100 Most List-worthy Individuals of 2009 (see the 2008 list here), some comic book movie talk and the Entertainment News Web Log Entertainer of the Year, so stay tuned.

Lego Arrested Development

2009-04-19T07:37:00.007-07:00

I came across these photos the other day. The first is the stair car.

This one's the Banana Stand. The flame is supposed to represent "Yeah, but where'd the lighter fluid come from?"

Poll Question

2009-04-02T10:13:00.005-07:00

The Favorite Kelso poll is now closed. If the results tell us anything, it is that I have more friends who watch Scrubs than friends who are teen-age girls.

The new poll question (on the right) concerns Bruce Willis. It asks which big-budget action movie is more unbelievably over the top, Armageddon or Live Free or Die Hard.

Entertainer of the Month: Alan Arkin

2009-03-26T05:05:00.001-07:00

We here at Entertainment News would like to wish a happy 75th birthday to the great Alan Arkin. To celebrate we are naming him March's Entertainer of the Month. You probably know him best from... well, that depends on how old you are. He got in to the entertainment industry back in the 1950's as part of the musical group The Tarriers. With them he co-wrote a Jamaican calypso folk song called "The Banana Boat Song" which later became better known as Harry Belefonte's hit "Day-O." In the 1960's Arkin turned to acting. He starred in the 1967 thriller Wait Until Dark with Audrey Hepburn. Later he played Captain Yossarian in the movie adaptation of Catch-22. In more recent years he has shown up mostly in comedies like Grosse Pointe Blank, Little Miss Sunshine (which won him an Oscar) and most recently Get Smart. One of my favorite roles of his is as the police chief in So I Married an Axe Murderer. His scenes opposite Anthony LaPaglia (below, 3:29) are my favorites in that movie.

Entertainer of the Month: Adam Baldwin

2009-02-27T09:17:00.008-07:00

February's Entertainer of the Month is Adam Baldwin. Best known for playing a tough guy, Baldwin can seen on NBC's Chuck as super agent John Casey. Prior to that, he was gun-loving muscle head Jayne Cobb in the short-lived series Firefly and its subsequent movie followup Serenity. However, one of my favorite Adam Baldwin moments comes from the movie Independence Day when his character, Major Mitchell, is asked if the glass separating them from the killer alien is bullet proof. He responds by pulling out his gun and saying "No, Sir!"

For your viewing (and listening) pleasure, below is a video (2:36) of Baldwin singing his version of "Hero of Canton," a song from an episode of Firefly.

And in case you were wondering, he's not related to the Baldwin brothers.

Tears of a Rapper

2009-02-07T06:27:00.010-07:00

If you hadn't noticed, Bret & Jemaine are back for Season 2. Get me a small man's wet suit, please.

Entertainer of the Month: Doug E. Doug

2009-01-24T13:38:00.008-07:00

The polls are closed and pulling away late in what turned out to be a land slide, January's Entertainer of the Month is Doug E. Doug. Early on in the voting, four entertainers, LL Cool J, David Bowie, Neil Diamond, and Doug, emerged in a tight race that seemed like it would go down the wire. But as the race went on Mr. Doug seemed to gather momentum and finished 10 percentage points ahead of the competition. Some are pointing to voter irregularities and I myself do suspect ballot box stuffing (Worthington?). Nevertheless, I am certifying the vote and declaring Doug E. Doug the winner. As for the other 19 candidates, they all presented themselves well, except of course for Kirstie Alley, who failed to garner even a single vote. Better luck next January.

As for Mr. Doug (real name: Douglas Bourne), he hasn't been up to much lately. He was pretty big stuff for a brief run in the 1990's with starring roles in some Disney hits including Cool Runnings with John Candy, Operation Dumbo Drop with Danny Glover and Ray Liotta, and That Darn Cat with Christina Ricci. He plaid wacky neighbor Griffin Vesey in Cosby, Bill's not-quite-as-successful followup to The Cosby Show. Other notable roles include Eight Legged Freaks (pictured below) with David Arquette and a not-yet famous Scarlett Johansson, and Shark Tale. His most recent acting credit is voice work in the Cartoon Network show My Gym Partner's a Monkey. He was in an episode that also featured Ziggy Marley. Apparently now he's a high school teacher in New York or something. For those that miss him, one of his earliest films Hangin' with the Homeboys will be on Comedy Central a few times this week.

Trivia: In That Darn Cat, Doug E. Doug plays Agent Zeke Kelso, a role that was filled by Disney super star Dean Jones in the original 1965 version of the film. Jones also appears in the 1997 version, this time as Mr. Flint. In honor of characters named Kelso, the new poll question (right) asks who is your favorite Kelso: Ashton Kutcher as Michael Kelso from That 70's Show or Ken Jenkins as Dr. Bob Kelso from Scrubs.

Heir(s) Apparent

2009-01-16T14:13:00.007-07:00

The physical comedy of the comedic fat man has been around as long the the joke. Still, I consider John Belushi the first modern king of the funny fat guys. His crown was surrendered upon his death and later claimed by Chris Farley, who too died on the thrown. I've been waiting and wondering who is the rightful heir. After seeing Orange County, I was certain it was Jack Black. But then Cedric the Entertainer emerged on the scene. However, with his new movie Paul Blart: Mall Cop opening today, Kevin James is staking his claim. But there can be only one king. Who will it be?

Entertainer of the Month: Tom Jane

2008-12-08T14:12:00.011-07:00

The Punisher: War Zone opened this weekend to a disappointing $4 million. It stars Ray Stevenson as the title character. This is the third Punisher movie, and from what I've read, none have been satisfactory to die hard fans of the comic book upon which the movies are based. I wouldn't know. I did see the second version with Tom Jane and John Travolta as the bad guy. It's not great, but the plot does center around some good old fashioned righteous vengeance.

Jane is probably best known for his roll in Deep Blue Sea, an awful film about really smart sharks that go about killing the workers of an underwater marine lab one by one. Rest assured it is not for that movie that Jane is being awarded John's Entertainment News Entertainer of the Month of December. Rather, it is for his appearance on Arrested Development where he played himself, seen below (2:45).

And don't forget to vote early and often for January's Entertainer of the Month. All the entertainers in the running were born in the month of January.

Entertainer of the Month: Rich Eisen

2008-11-10T15:35:00.008-07:00

November's Entertainer of the Month is former ESPN anchor and current NFL Network talking head Rich Eisen. Before I explain the selection, allow me to give some relevant background information. First, I am a sports fan, but a selective one. I follow a lot of different sports, but for many of them I only sit down and watch during the playoffs. Professional football falls into this category. I'm really big into college football and after wasting large portions of my Saturdays watching it, there isn't much time left over for the NFL on Sundays. So instead I watch the 90-minute NFL GameDay Final on NFL Network. It's hosted by Rich Eisen, Deion Sanders and Steve Mariucci. Eisen is capable; Sanders, surprisingly, is not as annoying as you might expect; and Mariucci is professional. So if Eisen is only "capable," why is he being honored here today? Simply put: he is not Chris Berman. Before I got access to the NFL Network, I was forced to get my NFL highlights from SportsCenter which unveils its weekly game recaps by way of countless bad puns from legendary buffoon Chris Berman. He's been at ESPN since the beginning and let me tell you, his shtick has worn tired. So congratulations Rich Eisen for being a palatable alternative to Chris Berman. You are John's Entertainment News Web Log's Entertainer of Month.

I Knew It!

2008-11-07T12:05:00.008-07:00

I always suspected there was something fishy about certain Olympic events. Here's a clip (2:18) from last night's 30 Rock:

Entertainer of the Month: Mike White

2008-10-03T11:09:00.007-07:00

October's Entertainer of the Month is actor/writer/producer Mike White. Most of you probably recognize him as Jack Black's roommate Ned Schneebly in School of Rock, but did you know he also wrote the film's screenplay, despite not being a fan of rock music. He was also wrote the screenplay for Orange County, another Jack Black comedy that largely went unnoticed a few years back. Black is over the top, as usual, but my favorite scenes, including some bonus scenes from the DVD, feature White as a high school English teacher. See below (3:23).

Next up for White is the comedy Smother starring Diane Keaton and Liv Tyler.

Not to Mention the Hypotenuse

2008-09-09T21:12:00.007-07:00

Telly and James Blunt together at last.

I especially like the slow motion dance sequences. Also, since I have nobody else in mind, I might as well declare James Blunt Entertainer of the Month while I'm at it.

Olympic Recap

2008-08-25T20:55:00.015-07:00

I know it's been a while since I posted, but I've been on vacation. My trip ended two weeks ago, but my vacation ended yesterday.

The Games of the XXIX Olympiad just came to a close, to borrow from yearbooks everywhere, what a wild ride it's been. Below are my thoughts and observations in no real organized order.

The Rivalry: In many ways the Olympics peaked in 1988 when we saw the last Olympiad before communism fell. That year the United States finished third in the medal count behind the Soviet Union and East Germany. Four years later the US was second behind the Unified Team, but with the cold war over it was clear the US would no longer be the underdog in the Olympics. Now it seems that the Americans are the favorite in every event, at least among the few events NBC shows. I miss the Soviets and East Germans, who played the part of the bad guy so well, better than Notre Dame, the Lakers, the Yankees, the Cowboys or the Patriots. Even the Australian swimmers seemed less formidable than in previous Olympics. In fact, I was sad to hear that Ian Thorpe had retired, because I loved to root against him. A huge part of being a sports fan is rooting for the underdog, and in today's Olympics the underdog is rarely wearing the stars and stripes. That's why I'm not ashamed to admit rooting for a few athletes from other countries, even when their events featured Americans. Consider Kirsty Coventry, the swimmer from Zimbabwe who has now won seven of her country's eight medals ever. When she brought home a gold medal in 2004, her war-torn country observed a few days of peace in her honor. While it would be wrong of me to claim that medals mean more to some athletes than others, it is clear that gold medals can mean more to some countries than others. (Trivia: The United States has won 2,514 medals in the history of the Olympics). A lot of times it's national heroes versus millionaires. I do not mean to sound unpatriotic, but I do long for a viable rival, and it would now appear that China is just the country to step in to that roll. When the dust settled, the US had claimed the overall medal crown (110-100), but China won more gold medals (51-36). I'm excited to see what both countries can do at a neutral site in 2012.

Volleyball: What a year to be fan of the American Volleyball with double gold in beach volleyball and a gold and silver on the court. I was especially in to Rogers & Dalhausser. May and Walsh were good too, but it's kind of hard to take the women's beach game seriously with those uniforms. The men's hard court team had an amazing run to the gold, although Sherstin didn't like watching them because while at BYU she had a roommate who was dating Rich Lambourne, the US libero. We won't go into more details than that.

Michael Phelps: Congratulations are in order for Mr. Phelps, his coach and his mother. Most of all, however, congratulations are in order for NBC, which is happier than anyone else the way the swimming competition turned out. In fact, the way they hyped up the story detracted somewhat from the moment. Anything less than 8 golds would have been a failure so when he succeeded, the accomplishment was a little diminished, at least from a spectator's point of view.

Gymnastics: I hate gymnastics. I suppose it was inevitable that, considering how much of it NBC had jammed down my throat, I would eventually gag on it. I can even trace it back to the specific moment I vomited: The 1996 Gymastic Gala when Alexei Nemov took off his shirt to do a pummel horse routine set to Snap's "I've Got the Power." Since then I have refused to watch any gymnastics. This year was no exception. So my only comment on the 2008 gymnastic competition is Nastia Liukin has a funny name.

Usain Bolt: Jamaica has emerged as a viable rival for the US in sprinting. In the six sprint events (Men's and Women's 100m, 200m and 4x100m relay), Jamaica came away with five gold medals, a silver and two bronze. The US managed zero gold, two silver, two bronze and two dropped batons. The Jamaican grabbing all the headlines was Usain Bolt who set the world record in both the 100m and 200m. That guy is just plain fun to watch.

Baseball & Softball: For the foreseeable future, both of these sports will no longer be a part of the Olympics and I can't say that I'm disappointed. Softball's out because of US domination, which is rather ironic considering Japan snuck away with the gold. And Olympic baseball is a joke. The United States—you know, the country that invented baseball—always sends a bunch minor leaguers who can't cut it against the Cubans or Koreans. I will say this, while they're at it, there are plenty of other sports that don't belong in the Olympics either, mainly equestrian, sailing, trampoline, synchronized swimming and rhythmic gymnastics or any event where gobs of makeup are worn (cough-gymnastics-cough). I do not in any way discount the skill and dedication required to compete in these events, but you don't see billiards, darts, Nascar or cheer leading in the Olympics either.

The Coverage: If you couldn't tell by now, I'll go a head say that I think NBC's coverage was poor, despite what the ratings might suggest. Most of my complaints are centered on the live vs. tape delay. I get that NBC paid a billion dollars for the rights and they have to save the marquee events for prime time. While I would have liked to see more stuff live, my bigger problem is NBC showing highlights of certain events and then showing those events later. Similarly, NBC often showed matches out of order. If I'm watching the a beach volleyball semi-final where the announcers are saying that the winner will take on Team X, you can't follow that match up with Team X playing Team Y in the other semi-final and expect me to watch. Worst of all, however, were the ill-timed commercial breaks. I don't know how many times I was watching a tape-delayed soccer game that had a goal scored during a commercial break. Can someone explain the logic behind that? If it's tape delayed, you can pause the broadcast for a commercial break.

In the talking heads department, my award for worst announcer of the games is a tie between soccer's Marcelo Balboa, who talks in second person more than any announcer ever, and track & field's Ato Bolden who thinks we tune in to the Olympics just to hear him talk (check out his piece-of-crap web site where he, not surprisingly, talks about how great he is).

All that negative ranting aside, I love the Olympics and look forward to 2010 (Vancouver), 2012 (London), 2014 (Sochi, Russia) and 2016 (Chicago, Madrid, Rio de Janeiro or Tokyo).

On Vacation

2008-07-22T18:00:00.001-07:00

All Entertainment News editors and writers are on vacation, but we will return in August with the Second Annual Entertainment News Soccer Week Presented by Sconefest.

Revisit last year's Soccer Week here.

Entertainer of the Month: John Hurt

2008-07-16T11:07:00.015-07:00

I have designated these past few moths of 2008 "The Summer of Hurt" and specifically July as the month of Hurt—John Hurt—as he is the Entertainment News Entertainer of month. This honor, comes not only after a long distinguished film career, but also after a summer of appearances in blockbuster sequels. If you weren't paying attention, you might have missed him in both Indiana Jones IV as Professor Harold "Ox" Oxley and Hellboy II as Professor Trevor "Broom" Bruttenholm. Professor Ox Broom also appeared in V for Vendetta, Contact, King Ralph, and Lord of the Rings, sort of. He was the voice of Aragorn the 1978 animated version. Another movie you might recognize him from is Alien. He was the guy that had the alien burst out of his stomach, a scene he recreated a few years later in Space Balls. A movie you probably won't recognize him from is 1980's The Elephant Man in which he played the famous John Merrick. His versatility is best summed up by his gushing, obviously fan-written biography from IMDb.com:

Britain's superbly eccentric import John Hurt is a perfect example of how huge, wondrous gifts can come in small, unadorned packages. His magnetic, often bedeviled portraits have touched the souls of filmgoers internationally for over four decades, and there seems to be no end to the depth of this man's talent. Stretching the boundaries every which way but loose, he continues to be a definitive textbook in in the art of acting metamorphosis.

Wow. Despite all that, to me John Hurt will always be the wand maker from Harry Potter. Allow me to explain. One talent (or curse, depending on how you look at it) I have is the ability to see an actor in a movie, TV show, or even a commercial and know almost immediately where I have seen him before. I'm sure my wife hates watching TV with me because I constantly recognize actors and point out where she has seen them, which is the other half of the game I play. It's not merely enough to know an actor's name. To win, I have to be able to provide a viable reference point for those around me. Which brings us to John Hurt. When we were first dating, Sherstin and I were watch A Man for All Seasons from 1966. It tells the courageous story of Sir Thomas More and how he opposed Henry VIII and his quest for a divorce. It also features a young John Hurt whom I recognized immediately. I said "That's the wand maker from Harry Potter." She was partially impressed and partially horrified that I would be able to connect the two. So to this day, anytime we're watching something with John Hurt I'm quick to point out that he's the wand maker from Harry Potter.

Summer TV

2008-07-11T10:45:00.011-07:00

With the Olympics now less than a month away, I thought now would would be a good time to examine a little closer the TV of summer. What in recent years has become a dumping ground of bad reality TV and reruns, has actually produced quite a few new quality programming. Don't get me wrong, there are still plenty of reruns and bad reality TV if that's your thing. Below is a sample of shows currently airing that I recommend.

Burn Notice - Thursdays on USA: I just barely found this show. Its second season debuted last night, but I'm still catching up on Season 1. So far, it's pretty good. It's sort of a Magnum PI meets MacGuyver with some character elements borrowed from Undercover Blues and Gross Pointe Blank. The action is good. The story lines are compelling. The characters are a little over the top, but it's a fun show.

Ice Road Truckers - Sundays on History: I don't know why I like this show. Maybe it's the science that would allow several tons worth of trucks and cargo to drive across a frozen lake. Maybe it's the frequently bleeped truckers who are not phony like other reality TV characters, or maybe it's the way I use it to pretend to escape the Arizona heat. Just to put some perspective on things, at one point I was watching an episode and it was -47° where (and when) the truckers were and 113° here in Phoenix. That's a difference of 160 degrees, on the same planet.

In Plain Sight - Sundays on USA: This show is OK. It's about US Marshals working with people in the witness protection program in Albuquerque. The best part is Fred Weller as Marshall, the philosophical sidekick (yes his name is Marshall and he's a marshal).

Law & Order: Criminal Intent - Sundays on USA: If you haven't checked out Law & Order or any of its siblings, I can't really recommend jumping in now, but I still like Vincent D'Onofrio as Detective Robert Goren.

Psych - Fridays on USA: I love this show. It is really funny. It's about a super observant guy who pretends to be psychic and solves crimes. Watch it and count the obscure 80's references you see. Below is a commercial (1:00) for the Season 3 premiere which is next week.

I laughed out loud when I saw that, but my wife pointed out that those unfamiliar with the show might think it looks a little gay. The show's not though, I promise.

Wipeout - Tuesdays on ABC: Speaking of bad reality TV, this show is really stupid, but it makes me laugh. It's essentially an American version of Takeshi's Castle (Most Extreme Elimination Challenge from SpikeTV). I think the reason I like it is because the hosts (ESPN's John Anderson and some other dude) make fun of the contestants, who all seem to be incredibly annoying, shameless loud mouths. It's too bad one of them actually wins $50,000 at the end of each episode. At least I get to see most of them made fools of.

And if none of those shows interest you, as I mentioned, we have the Olympics starting in less than a month on 8/8/08, which as we all know is a lucky number in China.

¡Viva España!

2008-06-29T20:48:00.006-07:00

Since my occupation is essentially stay-at-home dad, I was able to watch the entire UEFA Euro 2008 tournament. Though I tend to root against European teams in international competition, it was still a fun little tournament and I got into it. To me, the big story had to be Turkey. Their three come from behind victories and narrow defeat at the hands of Germany provided for some very entertaining soccer. I also found a great deal of enjoyment watching the Netherlands destroy France and Italy in back-to-back games. The other major story was Spain's ability to finally win a major international tournament for the time in several decades. Truth be told, I found myself rooting for Germany in the final even though I dislike Jans Lehman, who essentially pulled a Rex Grossman as his team got to the finals despite his best efforts. I'm not disappointed that Spain won, it's just that I can't bring myself to root for teams with hair like this and Spain was third only to Italy and Czech Republic in that department (for those of you keeping score at home, Argentina is world champs of bad soccer hair).

The TV coverage was decent. Adrian Healy, Derek Rae, Tommy Smyth and Andy Gray are all solid broadcasters. I thought it was a little cheap on the part of ESPN, however, that none of them was actually in Europe. Rather, they just gave their commentary from the studio in Connecticut.

One final thought: it was interesting how good Brazil looked in this tournament. That is to say, the many Brazilian players who found loopholes to become eligible to play for these European countries looked good. It gets me all the more excited for the World Cup in Serth Efrica in 2010.

George Carlin: 1937-2008

2008-06-23T09:44:00.010-07:00

Entertainment News bids farewell to actor/comedian George Carlin. Probably best known for his comedic routine "Seven Dirty Words," Carlin seemed to make a living out of pushing the envelope. There were, however, two notable exceptions: his role as Rufus on Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure in 1989 and his replacing Ringo Starr as Mr. Conductor on Shining Time Station in 1991.
On a smaller scale, Carlin also made a voice appearance on The Simpsons in 1998 as Munchie, Homer's mother's hippie friend. More recently, Carlin had been returning to his roots and doing stand up routines. Most of the clips available online contain language that is probably a bit too strong for the likes of a web log like this one, but below is a clip (5:36) of George on Letterman in 1997.

More from the AFI

2008-06-19T06:41:00.009-07:00

The last time the American Film Institute visited our home via the airwaves, it was sharing its list of the 100 Greatest American Films. Yesterday, the Institute returned, this time to rank the Top 10 movies from "10 Classic Genres." See the results here. There was nothing too surprising. Essentially they just took the top 100 films and separated them into genres. I find it hard to disagree too much with the Top 10 lists for Animation, Romantic Comedy, Western, Mystery, Sci-Fi, Gangster, Courtroom Drama, and Epic movies. My problems lie with the Sports and Fantasy categories. I admit I was a little confused by the qualifications for the Fantasy genre. It just seemed odd to me that Big and Lord of the Rings would be considered part of the same genre. And the sports list was populated with films that are barely even sports related. Since when is billiards a sport? Just because ESPN broadcasts it doesn't make it one, or poker and spelling bees would be considered sports. My only other comment on the 10 Top 10, would be that one of the "Classic Genres" should have been World Ward II movies. I would be interested in seeing a list of 20-25 definitive WWII films covering such topics as the European Theater, the Pacific Theater, prison camps and so forth.

Entertainer of the Month: Jason Statham

2008-06-14T09:16:00.008-07:00

Entertainment News' Entertainer of the Month of June is former Olympic diver and male model turned action movie star Jason Statham. You probably best know him as Handsome Rob from The Italian Job or as the title character in the Transporter movies, or perhaps as Bacon in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. No matter, Jason Statham is synonymous with movies that can be summed up in three words: Big Dumb Fun. As he himself once said, "You ain't ever gonna get an Academy Award for doing Crank and you certainly won't for doing all the other movies I've done." It's refreshing to see an actor who doesn't mind being type cast. Speaking of which, here is a little game I put together. Below are two columns. The first column contains 10 Jason Statham movies in order of their release. The second column has the taglines from the posters of those movies in random order. See if you can match them up correctly. Then check your answers here.

Snatch
The Transporter
The Italian Job
Cellular
Transporter 2
Crank
In the Name of the King
War
The Bank Job
Transporter 3

The true story of a heist gone wrong... in all the right ways.
Poison in his veins. Vengeance in his heart.
Rules are made to be broken
The best in the business is back in the game.
If the signal dies so does she.
One wants justice, the other wants revenge.
Stealin' Stones and Breakin' Bones
This time, the rules are the same. Except one.
Rise and fight
Steal the day

While playing that game, you might have said to yourself, "Hey, I don't remember seeing Transporter 3." Well, it doesn't come out until November (see the trailer below, 0:54), but it's one of many sequels Statham has in the pipeline including Crank 2: High Voltage and The Brazilian Job. Also watch for him later this year in Death Race, a remake of the 1975 Sylvester Stallone movie Death Race 2000 (Tagline: "In the year 2000 hit and run driving is no longer a felony. It's the national sport!"). So that should be fun.

So as long as there is a need for over-choreographed fight sequences to bridge the gap in movies between explosions and high-speed gun fights, there will always be a place in Hollywood for the likes of Jason Statham.

Let the Fiery Madness Begin

2008-06-07T06:00:00.004-07:00

Euro 2008, the world's fourth most watched sporting event in any given four-year period (behind the World Cup, the Summer Olympics, the Winter Olympics, but ahead of the Super Bowl) is underway in Austria and Switzerland. Since I have no horse in the race, I will jump on Croatia's bandwagon because their team's anthem is "Fiery Madness" (seen below, 3:56) and it was written by their coach. I will have more comments on Euro 2008 at the tournament's conclusion.

Revisiting the Archives

2008-05-28T10:09:00.014-07:00

Entertainment News has unofficially been online for two years now, so I thought it would be prudent to go back and revisit some of the web log entries from the past and provide necessary updates and add further sarcastic commentary.

I summed up the 2006 FIFA World Cup Presented by Adidas and now it deserves some commentary since we are a little more than a week from Euro 2008. Think of it as a mini-world cup, or better, half of a world cup. Instead of 32 teams from around the world including half from Europe, we get 16 teams, all from Europe. In a related note, watch for the Second Annual Entertainment News Soccer Week in August right after Shark Week.

I wrote The Overlooked Sub-Genre after the release of 2006's straight-to-video Air Buddies, a distant sequel to 1997's Air Bud about a dog that plays basketball, which, believe it or not, was based on a true story. Things sort got away from actual events over the years and after Air Bud Spikes Back ("A dog that plays volleyball helps investigators solve a rash of mysterious crimes"), the producers branched out and went on to talking puppies and their crazy adventures. Recently released was Snow Buddies: "Disney's adorable talking puppies are back and this time they venture to the frosty arctic and team up with new friends in a thrilling dog sled race across Alaska. When the going gets tough the daring dogs have to band together with their new friends Talon and Shasta and muster up the courage to face the fur-raising challenges ahead. But will they have what it takes to win the race and find their way back home? Join the Buddies for more fun and more action in this all-new heartwarming film about the power of teamwork and following your dreams featuring the all-star voice talents of Dylan Sprouse (The Suite Life of Zack and Cody)." If that's not enough, later this year, we can expect to see Space Buddies. I don't know what it's about exactly, but based on the title it shouldn't be too hard to guess.

In The Best of Reality TV I spotlighted two contrasting TV shows. One was Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days which returns to FX June 3. Also look for Morgan's new movie Where in the World Is Osama Bin Laden? coming soon to theaters or video or TV, I'm not really sure. Also in "The Best of Reality TV" I introduced people to Dog the Bounty Hunter, that crazy biker-looking dude who hunts down fugitives in the name of justice. I followed that up with the web log entry Dog Bites Own Foot where I talked about Dog's woes and the suspension of his show. However, I also predicted that he would be back and I was right. A&E has decided that Dog has been punished enough (Translation: we think we can get enough sponsors to buy ad space during his show) and Dog will be back on the air soon. However, if you just can't wait that long, you should check out Bounty Girls: Miami. Remember how I described Dog the Bounty Hunter as Cops but with the white trash doing the chasing? Well, Bounty Girls: Miami is essentially four female Dog the Bounty Hunters chasing fugitives. So I guess the show should be called Bitches the Bounty Huntresses.

I'm still looking for help in deciding what group or artist musically defines this decade.

The entry most in need of updating is Fletch Lives Again. It now appears that Gregory McDonald is out as director and Zach Braff will no longer play Fletch. Instead we're looking at perhaps Mighty Ducks and Dawson's Creek star Joshua Jackson as the title character, which of course is just plain retarded. Also in that I web log entry, I spotlighted the abundant female beauty of JD's many escapades on Scrubs. Since then, Season 7 went by and sadly no one can be added to that list. Sure the season was shortened by the strike, but JD could have dated at least one hottie out of his league. Speaking of which, one of the girls on that list is Juliana Margulies who appeared on The Sopranos as one of Tony's would-be flings. Can an actress hook up with two more opposite characters than Dr. Dorian and Tony Soprano?

Last year I did a recap of the 2007 NBA Playoffs, but opted not to this year because my comments would be exactly the same. Instead let me be briefly say that I was really into this year's NBA season, but once the Jazz were eliminated, I abandoned the NBA cold turkey. Could it get any worse than Lakers, Spurs, Pistons, Celtics? Seriously. Maybe if the Knicks or Pat Riley were somehow involved, then it would be worse. I will say this about Kobe Bryant. I don't get why the media people love him. Yes, he's very talented, but he's also the worst teammate in recent NBA history with his public trade demands and open criticism of his teammates, not to mention is on-court tantrums where he refused to shoot just to show how bad his teammates are. Now, after the suspiciously lopsided Pau Gasol trade the Lakers are winning and suddenly Kobe Bryant is a media darling and Michael Jordan reincarnated. I don't get it.

Also last year I did a big Summer Movie Preview, but really didn't see very many of the summer movies until months later so this year I'll keep it brief by saying I'm interested in seeing Indiana Jones and Batman, and maybe Hancock and Iron Man, but I'm in no real hurry to see any of them.

Back in June of last year I commented on The New Mystery Science Theater 3000. To be more specific I spotlighted the work of Mike Nelson and his venture Rifftrax.com. He also uses former MST3K pals Kevin Murphy (Tom Servo) and Bill Corbett (Crow). Since that post I have merged their wisecracking MP3's with six more DVD's to augment my total Rifftrax library to eight. So essentially I have the Mystery Science 3000 version of X-Men, Fellowship of the Ring, Casino Royale, Fantastic Four, The Bourne Identity, Transformers, Independence Day and Jurassic Park. Next, I'm considering Harry Potter or Raiders of the Lost Ark. Any suggestions? As a further update, the guy Mike replaced on MST3K was Joel Hodgson, who apparently is also trying to cash in on the Mystery Science fan base. He has launched a project called Cinematic Titanic, in which he and a bunch of fellow comedians including Trace Beaulieu (Dr. Clayton Forrester, Crow) and Frank Conniff (TV's Frank) make fun of old movies. I'd be curious to hear how the each feels about the other's venture.

Finally, back in November, I posted a video I spliced together entitled The Best of Kevin from The Office. As a follow up, below is a video (2:30) from the recent season finale of The Office with Toby's replacement Holly and how she thinks Kevin is slow, you know, in his brain.

Entertainer of the Month: Art Garfunkel

2008-05-21T08:06:00.003-07:00

Entertainment News' Entertainer of the Month of May is none other than the "Old Pop Warrior" Arthur Ira Garfunkel. Though he'll always be remembered as Paul Simon's sidekick, to me he represents a time when music was simple and singers could actually sing. One of the best concerts I've ever been to was a few years ago when I had the opportunity to go see Art Garfunkel live with the Utah Symphony as part of his Across America Tour. You see, back in the mid 1980's, Art developed an interest in long-distance walking. Over the next decade or so he spent chunks of each summer walking across America until he finished in 1996. Along the way he would perform concerts. The great thing about going to an Art Garfunkel concert as opposed to a Paul Simon concert is Paul Simon is going to sing his new stuff, whereas Art Garfunkel mainly sings songs you would find on the Simon & Garfunkel's Greatest Hits album. Don't get me wrong, I like Paul Simon's solo work, especially Graceland, but it's not as beloved as the stuff he wrote when he was with Garfunkel. So at the concert in Salt Lake, Art sang most of the hits from the old days like "Scarborough Fair," "Mrs. Robinson," and of course "Bridge Over Troubled Water." In fact most of his albums are a mix of the old S & G hits with some original stuff.

Speaking of the hits, below is clip (4:41) from the Concert in Central Park in 1981 in which Simon & Garfunkel performed before 500,000 people. The song is "The Boxer" and early on you can see Garfunkel screw up by singing "I have squandered..." a bit early. I love the look Paul Simon gives him.

Up next for Art is a European tour. In October of this year he will stage concerts in the UK, Holland, Belgium, Sweden and Denmark.

The List

2008-05-15T14:18:00.014-07:00

Americans love lists. They can't resist reading rankings of things whether it be lists of greatest, worst, wealthiest, funniest, most influential, or sexiest. So in the spirit of America's love for the list, I have come up with my own list of the 100 most list-worthy people. In other words, I have ranked from 1 to 100 the people that most deserve to be on a list. Eligibility rules were simple: (1) The person must be either real or fictitious. (2) If real, the person must still be alive. (3) The person need not be a person at all. All other criteria is strictly confidential. So without further ado, below is a countdown the 100 Most List-worthy Individuals of 2008.

100. Ernest Borgnine
99. Detective Harry Callahan
98. Sandra Boynton
97. Dr. Strangelove
96. Brian Doyle-Murray
95. Razor Shines
94. Alan Greenspan
93. Fredo Corleone
92. Michael J. Fox
91. Sonic the Hedgehog
90. Tyra Banks
89. Dbrickashaw Ferguson
88. Kim Jong Il
87. Fred Weasley
86. Casey Kasem
85. Laura Bush
84. Billy Joel
83. Robert McCall
82. Dan Jansen
81. Cheech Marin
80. Lando Calrissian
79. Dido
78. Dida
77. Stephenie Meyer
76. Billy Zane
75. Amelie Poulain
74. Weird Al Yankovic
73. Dan Quayle
72. Delta Burke
71. Dr. Egon Spengler
70. Tim Kurkjian
69. Willie Nelson
68. Rocky Balboa
67. Uwe Boll
66. Uwe Blab
65. Gloria Gaynor
64. Patrick
63. Derek Jacobi
62. Ringo Star
61. Warwick Davis
60. Franka Potente
60. Count Chocula
58. Meatloaf
57. John Astin
56. Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind
55. Dirk Benedict
54. Rachel Ray
53. David Bowie
52. Jessica Rabbit
51. Vidal Sassoon

50. Edward Scissorhands
49. Alex Tribeck
48. Engelbert Humperdinck
47. Ozzie Canseco
46. Q
45. Steve Buscemi
44. Mischa Barton
43. David St. Hubbins
42. Barry Sanders
41. Garth Algar
40. Queen Elizabeth II
39. Queen Latifah
38. Colonel Mustard
37. Jason Priestly
36. Plácido Domingo
35. Ichiro
34. Phyllis Lapin
33. Jim Nantz
32. Brigitte Bardot
31. Detective Lennie Briscoe
30. Fat Lever
29. Lara Croft
28. Vin Diesel
27. Winnie the Pooh
26. Ahmad Rashad
25. Patrick Swayze
24. Randy "Macho Man" Savage
23. Lex Luthor
22. Stephen Hawking
21. Don LaFontaine
20. Danielle Steel
19. Dr. Emmett L. Brown
18. Ivan Lendl
17. Arthur Fonzarelli
16. Melanie Chisholm
15. Bat Boy
14. Pauly Shore
13. Chief Clancy Wiggum
12. Antonin Scalia
11. Sinbad
10. Hobbes
  9. Edson Arantes do Nascimento
  8. Xena, Warrior Princess
  7. Dog the Bounty Hunter
  6. Buster Bluth
  5. Chuck Norris
  4. Rowlf
  3. Fabio
  2. The Most Interesting Man in the World
  1. Xuxa

Who am I missing? Who is ranked too high or too low? Let the debate begin.

Gladiators vs. Ninjas

2008-05-10T17:33:00.012-07:00

NBC has been putting a lot of marketing effort behind the new American Gladiators. I, for one, will pass. After only two episodes I decided that the American Gladiators were best left in the past. I've commented before that I couldn't stand the ultra annoying contestants. Tina Fey's character Liz Lemon on 30 Rock said it best: "If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down." How can you root for the blue contestant over the red one when all you want is for both of them to fall flat on their face? I suppose you can root for the gladiators, but... eh.

So rather than American Gladiators, I have turned my attention to a purer form of physical competition. On the G4 Channel there is a Japanese import called Ninja Warrior where each tournament (held semi-annually from what I can gather) 100 contestants attempt to conquer four obstacle courses. Usually 10-15 pass the first round, of those, 7-10 make it to the third round, and as many as three, although usually none make it to the fourth stage which has only been defeated twice in 17 tournaments, most recently by fisherman Makoto Nagano. The guy is amazing. Below is a clip (5:05) of him defeating the third and fourth stages. It's a grueling task, despite how easy he makes it look. As the tournament has gone on, competitors from all over the world have come to participate, including several Olympians, and virtually all of them have failed.

Look at it this way: if American Gladiators is Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, Ninja Warrior is Jeopardy. One is flashy and built on gimmicks and hype. The other is tried and true and has an established foundation of consistency.

Entertainer of the Month: Clint Howard

2008-04-20T16:52:00.005-07:00

Entertainment News wishes a happy 49th birthday to the legendary Clint Howard. And to honor him, he is being named April's Entertainer of the Month. Despite the fact that he has appeared in nearly 200 movies and TV shows, many of you might not know much about Clint Howard, but you no doubt have seen this MTV Movie Awards Lifetime Achievement Award Winner before. In fact he is credited with "legitimizing the award which had previously been won by the likes of Jason Voorhies, Shaft and Chewbacca. Perhaps you recognize him as the serial killer from the Seinfeld episodes that took place in Los Angeles. Or maybe you saw him terrorizing children in the campy horror classic Ice Cream Man. But most likely, you've seen him in a bit part in one of his older, more famous brother Ron's movies. Clint has appeared in 15 movies directed by Ron Howard (not counting the shorts the two made when they were kids), including:

Grand Theft Auto (1977)
Cotton Candy (1978)
Night Shift (1982)
Splash (1984)
Cocoon (1985)
Gung Ho (1986)
Parenthood (1989)
Backdraft (1991)
Far and Away (1992)
The Paper (1994)
Apollo 13 (1995)
Edtv (1999)
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
The Missing (2003)
Cinderella Man (2005)

Today Clint Howard remains one of the busiest actors in Hollywood, with seven films due to be released by the end of the year. So keep an eye out for him.

Maintain the Integrity

2008-04-17T09:56:00.006-07:00

I've always said, when making a movie based on existing source material, first and foremost, you must be loyal to that source material.

Charlton Heston: 1924-2008

2008-04-05T22:00:00.006-07:00

Entertainment News bids a sad farewell to film legend Charlton Heston. He was best known for his roles in The Ten Commandments, Ben Hur and the Original Planet of the Apes. My favorite of his movies is Orson Welles' Touch of Evil in which he curiously plays a Mexican named Ramon Miguel Vargas. Heston also uttered two of the American Film Institutes's 100 Greatest Movie Quotes: "Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!" and "Soylent Green is people!" And of course, who can forget the work he did as President of National Rifle Association, telling President Clinton "America doesn't trust you with our 21-year-old daughters, and we sure don't trust you with our guns." Later in his career, Mr. Heston did mostly cameos, none of them funnier than the clip below (1:24) from Wayne's World 2.

Struck Down by the Man

2008-03-28T19:50:00.003-07:00

It has happened again. About six months ago my web log was crippled when my YouTube account was permanently disabled. A little daunted, but still resilient, I brought my videos back via a site called Veoh.com. Now my Veoh account has been deleted following similar complaints of copyright infringement. I'm not going to rehash my reasoning behind why I think the copyright holders should rejoice in people like me. Instead I will slowly start to rebuild my online video collection. Eventually I hope to bring them all back to this web log again. Regulars to my site will be able to watch the "My Videos" label climb its way back up list on the right as I rework the web log entries with videos.

Entertainer of the Month: John Ratzenberger

2008-03-19T15:16:00.012-07:00

A new feature being launched here at Entertainment News is Entertainer of the Month. Last week I left some clues about this month's honoree and today I can reveal that John Ratzenberger is March's Entertainer of the Month. As I mentioned before, he appeared in Superman and Superman II as "Controller #1," The Empire Strikes Back as Major Derlin and Ghandi as "American Lt., driver for Bourke-White." However, Ratzenberger is best known as know-it-all postal carrier Cliff Claven on Cheers, a character he has played on a total of 6 shows*. One of the Cliff's greatest and, at the same time, worst moments was when he appeared on Jeopardy! (seen belows, 4:51).

More recently, Ratzenberger competed on Dancing with the Stars. He also hosted the Travel Channel's John Ratzenberger's Made in America in which he spotlighted various domestic manufacturing firms. And of course what John Ratzenberger feature would be complete without mentioning his voice work with Pixar. His voice talents have appeared in all eight Pixar animated features from Toy Story to Ratatouille.

Here's to hoping John Ratzenberger continues to have a flourishing career.

* Cheers, St. Elsewhere, The Tortellis, Wings, Frasier and The Simpsons

Sneak Peak

2008-03-12T22:57:00.005-07:00

Coming next week in a new item called Entertainer of the Month, Entertainment News will pay tribute to an American screen legend whose film and television career has spanned more than three decades. He has appeared in such Hollywood blockbusters as Superman, Superman II, The Empire Stikes Back and Ghandi. He starred in one television's most successful sitcoms. This writer/director/producer has also lent his voice talents to Pixar's Toy Story and Toy Story II. His celebrity was cemented when this multi-talented entertainer appeared on ABC's Dancing with the Stars. Who is it? You'll have to check back in a few days. That's what we in the business call a teaser.

Super Bowl XLII

2008-02-04T09:59:00.001-07:00

I don't have much to say in the form of commentary on the game. The Super Bowl long ago stopped being about football. Besides, it was a New York team versus a Boston team. It's too bad they both couldn't lose. This will probably go down as one of the greatest Super Bowl games ever, which is a shame, because only the fourth quarter was any good. The rest of the game was really boring. As for the commercials, which we all know are the best part of the Super Bowl anyway, there were only seven commercials worth commenting on. The rest of the companies wasted their money in my opinion, which we all know, counts for nothing.

For the past few years T-Mobile has run a series of ads featuring Dwayne Wade trying to get into Charles Barkley's Fave 5. During the Super Bowl, he finally succeeded, but with unforeseen consequences. The series is funny, but has gone on too long. I'm sure this particular ad will get replayed to death on TNT and ESPN during NBA games.
FedEx once again delivered a solid ad. Their giant carrier pigeons were a nice touch. The best thing about FedEx commercials, is that afterward, you still remember that they are plugging FedEx, instead of other ads that are funny but the message gets lost.
The E-trade ad with the talking baby that rents a clown was dumb and certainly nothing new, but I laughed anyway.
Shaq as a jockey was kind of funny, but that's not even the best Vitamin Water ad. The older one featuring Brian Urlacher and Michael Strahan playing badminton was better.
A few years ago Pepsi Twist managed to bring the Osmonds and the Osbournes together for a commercial. With perhaps an even greater dichotomy, Bridgestone had an ad featuring both Alice Cooper and Richard Simmons. I never thought I'd see that. Plus, I caught myself laughing when the driver of the car accelerated toward Mr. Simmons.
It was another year of uninspired ads from Budweiser. The only exception was the cross-promotional ad for Semi-Pro featuring Will Ferrell. That one was funny.
My favorite commercial of the Super Bowl was the Audi ad that parodied the famous horse head scene from The Godfather. What's better, is the actor in the commercial was Alex Rocco, who was actually in The Godfather. Granted, he played Mo Greene and not the studio boss from the original scene, but it was still a nice touch.

Happy Birthday, Anthony LaPaglia

2008-01-31T20:00:00.004-07:00

Entertainment News would like to wish a happy 49th birthday to Anthony LaPaglia. The Australian born actor is probably best known for his Emmy-nominated dramatic work as Special Agent Jack Malone on Without a Trace. And while he's very good on that show (or used to be before the show's creators stopped getting creative with story and character development), he's also good in comedic roles as well. His guest appearances on Frasier won him an Emmy, but some loyal readers might know him better as Joe the easy-going store manager in the 90's teen comedy Empire Records. However, my favorite Anthony LaPaglia performance is as Mike Myers' friend Tony in 1993's So I Married an Axe Murderer. Below is a video (3:29) from said film featuring a series clips of Mr. LaPaglia opposite Alan Arkin, another actor who can do both comedy and drama well.

A Crap Country

2008-01-25T11:50:00.004-07:00

This video goes out to my friend Boubacar, aka, The Other Black Guy. He is from Guinea, a country in West Africa that has recently been through a great deal of turmoil. Still, Ali G isn't willing to give it any love. Below is a clip (1:09) from Da Ali G Show starring Sacha Baron Cohen as Ali G. For those unfamiliar with the show, it's a British import that airs on HBO in the US. In it, Cohen travels the country participating in various activities and interviewing people disguised as one of his three alter-egos, the most famous being Borat (the other two being Ali G and Bruno the fashion reporter). In this particular episode, he visits the United Nations.

Dirty Psychic

2008-01-20T21:05:00.004-07:00

I apologize to the thousands, OK hundreds, OK maybe dozens, alright, four or five loyal readers* for my hiatus from posting Entertainment News items. With the birth of my son, blogging has taken a back seat. But despite the writers strike seriously hindering the current television season, I've still managed to watch too much TV. My favorites like The Office and its fellow Thursday night comedies have been drastically cut, so I have been forced to go elsewhere on the dial and in the process I have discovered two gems that had previously gone unnoticed by me. The first is Psych on USA. It's about a guy who so adept at observing details around him that he's convinced the Santa Barbabra Police Department that he is a psychic. He uses his abilities to solve crimes in a theatrical fashion. They had a marathon the other day and I was able to catch up on some episodes. I highly recommend it. The second show I watch every now and again is Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe on The Discovery Channel. Unlike most educational/vocational reality shows on The Discovery Channel, The History Channel, TLC and HGTV, this show actually has a funny host. In it, Mike Rowe, an average schmoe, travels around the country and spends a day doing all manner of messy blue collar work from earth worm farming to sewer cleaning. It makes for good TV.

One new show that really had me disappointed is the new American Gladiators. It's like the show's creators did all that they could to make the contestants as annoying as possible. It's hard to watch when I can't make myself root for one contestant over the other. Hopefully the strike will end soon and my usual shows can return.

* In actuality, my web log has been getting quite a bit of traffic lately as it has averaged between 100 and 120 visitors a day over the past month.

Visitors Welcome

2007-12-03T11:33:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last visited the topic of humorous Google searches that brought people to my web log. My most visited post is Casting Call where I asked readers who would play you in the movie about my life. Countless visitors found their way here by way of image searches for Jeremy Piven on John Stockton. The funny thing is, the Google Image Search for John Stockton brings up the image of Jim Caviezel, whom I said would play John Stockton from that time we met when I was nine. My posts on 1980's Entertainment are also still popular with web surfers. Below are some of the more interesting search phrases over the past few months.

(The hyper links are to blog entries that discuss those topics, although usually not in the searcher's intended context.)

1970s Darth Vader style neck brace
Rush Limbaugh used the n-word
Sarah Chalke nose job
Cheerleaders are dancers that have gone retarded display picture
"is such a smelly word"
Crazy Irish Soccer Announcer
Ghost of John Candy
Smallville Beautiful Cast
Too much promotion of Eva Longoria on nba finals
Nicole Eggert lives
90's fashion Will Smith
How many dogs played the part of Buddy in Air Bud?
How do you make a Jewish black guy?
Where is the Mountain View Motel used in the movie Fletch?
Keith Olbermann on Football America bad move by NBC
Yoga Booty Ballet fat women stupid
True story of friends forgetting to put the ladder down on the yacht
Greatest voices of all time
Does Mike Farrell like Wayne Rogers?
The Sixth Sense Mischa Barton
Jerry Supiran chubby
Frodo Don't Wear the Ring HBO version
Is Punky Brewster a spin off of Happy Days?
Carmen Electra in Winter Wonderland
Live every week like it's Shark Week
Black guy in Predator
Alienated middle-aged Jewish lawyers
Who are the Hollywood triple threats?
TNT sports announcer Craig Sager
Dog biting own foot
The breakdown of the mafia
Defining musical artist of each decade
Little Drummer Boy, William Shatner
Alan and the Chipmunks movie
What is the allegory behind the Ninja Turtles?

The Best of Kevin

2007-11-21T19:06:00.006-07:00

Since the last two episodes of The Office were light on Kevin moments, here's a video I strung together (5:06) featuring the Best of Kevin Malone (played by Brian Baumgartner) from Seasons 1-3. If you look closely, you might notice evidence of Kevin's secret relationship with Pam. Or you might see me manipulating the video to make it seem like there was a secret relationship between Kevin and Pam.

A bit of trivia: Brian Baumgartner was once roommates with Ed Helms, who plays Andy Bernard on The Office. You can see my Andy Bernard videos here and here.

Can we have our money now?

2007-11-20T16:04:00.003-07:00

I love funny product placement. A previous example on this web log featured Carl Weathers plugging Burger King. In the video shown below (0:49) we have cast members of 30 Rock shilling for Verizon Wireless. Some day I'll include the clips of The Office with the paper shredder from Staples.

Dog Bites Own Foot

2007-11-08T19:16:00.005-07:00

Our old friend Dog the Bounty Hunter is in the news this week, and once again it's not because of something good. You might recall that last year Duane "Dog" Chapman, who along with Air Bud and Shrulk make up the Entertainment News Mascot Trifecta, was in the national spotlight when he surrendered to authorities for violating the extradition treaty between the US and Mexico by bringing a convicted rapist across the border. This time he's in trouble for saying a naughty word. For those who haven't heard, he a used a word that begins with the letter N when referring to his son's girlfriend who is of African decent. This is similar to the events of a year ago when Michael Richards (aka Kramer from Seinfeld) also used "the N word." I commented about that and how it compared to Mel Gibson's situation here. I could say the same things I said then, which would pretty much involve drudging up some accusations of hypocrisy, but I won't. I don't want to sound like I'm letting Dog off the hook. In fact, effective immediately, he has been suspended from the Entertainment News Mascot Trifecta and temporarily replaced by The Weekly World News' Bat Boy.

Dog is apparently blaming his lapse in judgment on color blindness. "I thought that I was cool enough in the black world to be able to use that word as a brother to a brother. ...I now learned I'm not black at all." When I read that, I was reminded of the eloquent eugoogaly delivered by Derek at the funeral in the movie Zoolander: "Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think." So if I understand Dog correctly, he's saying the exact same thing as Derek Zoolander but substituting "the N word" for "brother." Call me pessimistic, but I could have told him going in that his plan wouldn't fly.

So now Dog is making the rounds on the talk shows apologizing to anyone who will listen as he tries to salvage his career (A&E has suspended production of his show). Judging from past celebrity mishaps, things will blow over in a few months and he'll be back. Until then, you can come here and watch the clip below (1:39) which I strung together and originally posted here as part of one of the initial Entertainment News Web Log entries.

The Black Guy from Predator

2007-11-02T14:03:00.006-07:00

With all the political campaigning going on, you'd think it was an election year. You'd be wrong. We still have an entire year of politicking to endure until the next election. And while the presidential race is getting most of the attention, 11 states will also be electing a governor. I'm here today to appeal to the voters of those 11 states. You know who you are. Who am I kidding? Most of you probably don't even know who your governor is, let alone when he or she is up for reelection. No matter. If your governor is up for reelection next year, Carl Weathers wants your vote. You know Carl. He's Apollo Creed in most of the Rocky movies. You younger kids might know him better as Chubbs Peterson from Happy Gilmore. He's also the black guy from Predator, as he explains in this video (1:51) announcing his candidacy for governor.

Though not quite as appropriately titled as The Running Man, the other movie featuring Govs. Schwarzenegger and Ventura, Predator does have Carl Weathers, the black guy from Predator. (Interestingly, it also has Sonny Landham who, not wanting to be left out, ran for governor of Kentucky in 2003). Weathers is great because of his ability to make fun of himself, which instantly lifts any actor's esteem in my eyes. A classic example of this is the three episodes of Arrested Development, where Carl played a sly, penny-pinching version of himself, as seen below (3:39). I especially like the plug for Burger King. So remember, if Election Day ever does arrive, don't forget to vote for Carl Weathers.

Fall TV Review

2007-10-26T12:49:00.006-07:00

Now that the Fall Television Season is fully underway I thought it a good time to evaluate what's currently worth watching on TV. Before we begin, I would like to comment briefly on the threat of strike by members of the Writers Guild of America. Without getting bogged down with the details behind the labor dispute, I will comment on the effects. To sum it up, the threat seems like a good thing. An actual strike would be a bad thing. Allow me to elaborate. A sudden absence of writers would mean scripted shows would suffer and we could see an acute increase in the number of non-scripted shows. That's bad. I know some of you out there are fans of Dancing with the Stars and I think I speak for us all when I say Dog the Bounty Hunter represents a cleverly delicious slice of home-grown Americana, but any more so-called reality TV would drive me up the wall. As a result, nervous studios are stockpiling scripts and scripted shows. They have been slow to cancel under-performing shows for fear that they might run out of replacement content. That's good. I don't see how canceling a show without airing all of the completed episodes does anybody any good. It just angers people like me, who have the terrible curse of liking unsuccessful shows. So what shows have I picked this year? Will my luck change? The fact that most of what I watch is on NBC, the fourth most watched network, suggests it won't. Below, in no particular order, are the shows I am currently following.

Life (Wednesdays on NBC): A drama about a detective who is given a second chance. Damian Lewis (Band of Brothers) stars as complex, offbeat Detective Charlie Crews, who returns to the force after serving 12 years in prison for a crime he didn't commit. This is my favorite new show this season. Detective Crews is just one of those fascinating characters. The patience and quirkiness he picked up in prison is just enough to irritate his partner (played by former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader Sarah Shahi), which are the best moments of each episode. The actual cop drama part of the show is nothing new, but Lewis makes treading through the cliches worth it. What has me hooked is the ongoing background story about Crews trying to solve the crime for which he had been convicted. Each episode lets you in on a new detail. I'd really like to see this show stick around for a while.

House (Tuesdays on Fox): Speaking of fascinating characters, Hugh Laurie's Dr. Gregory House is the most intriguing character on TV. Based on Sherlock Holmes (with Dr. Wilson as his Watson), this investigator solves medical mysteries. He's brilliant yet mad. Last season saw him reach the brink of pure insanity by considering an injection to the brain to stimulate happiness. This season we've seen him jam a knife into a outlet just to have a near-death experience. None of this would work without Laurie in the role. Also, I'm still trying to figure where the casting carousel will stop with House auditioning a new team. It's a welcome, but not entirely necessary departure from the show's usual formula.

Chuck (Mondays on NBC): Computer geek Chuck Bartowski is catapulted into a new career as the government's most vital secret agent. When Chuck opens an e-mail subliminally encoded with government secrets, he unwittingly downloads an entire server of sensitive data into his brain. Now, the fate of the world lies in the unlikely hands of a guy who works at a Buy More Electronics store (A funny imitation of Best Buy). Instead of fighting computer viruses, he must now confront assassins and international terrorists. This hour-long action sitcom is light enough to not take itself too seriously. Instead it's mocking all the action shows that have come before it. Some of the story lines are weak and at times it really comes across as being low budget, but so far I like it. My concern is all that happened in the first episode to set up the plot hasn't been explained all that well in subsequent episodes, which I fear would leave newcomers somewhat lost.

Journeyman (Mondays on NBC): A romantic mystery-drama about a San Francisco newspaper reporter and family man who inexplicably begins to travel through time and change people's lives. Along the way, he also must deal with the difficulties and strife at work and home brought on by his sudden disappearances. I don't really expect this show to last. It comes across as a sort of knock off of Quantum Leap, which is fine, but it spends too much time focused on the main character's personal problems, leaving the actual time traveling and life fixing as an afterthought. Journeyman certainly has potential, however. Also, the opening theme, which can be heard below (0:31) by pressing play on the Jukebox Player, is pretty sweet.

Friday Night Lights (Fridays on NBC): This series centers on the small rural town of Dillon, Texas, where the coveted state football championship rings are held in the highest regard. The Dillon Panther's faced many challenges their first season with Coach Eric Taylor at the helm, but after much hard work, determination and a victory at the State Championship Game, the team's fate at the start of yet another new season and the Taylor family's future with them, continues to remain uncertain. The second season picked up right where the first left off: with mounds of drama and I'd say things are a little too dramatic right now. Lyla Garrity, who recently found Jesus, is about the only character who seems to be happy. But it's still good TV and I'm happy to see Landry (great Texas football name) hook up with Tyra, even if it was a murder that brought them together. Love that teen angst.

My Name is Earl, 30 Rock, The Office, Scrubs (Thursdays on NBC): The evening's nickname is "Comedy Done Right" and I would agree. These are probably the four funniest shows currently on network TV. Scrubs has gotten a little stale in its old age and My Name is Earl has too much gay stuff, but overall, these two hours are where it's at. I've especially found myself growing more fond of 30 Rock. Below is a sample from last night's episode (4:59) showcasing Tracy Morgan and the resurgent Alec Baldwin.

My Other Shows: I still watch Without a Trace and Law & Order: Criminal Intent, both of which have gotten old and tired, especially Without a Trace which I'm starting to find really boring. I've also been watching reruns of The Sopranos (Wednesdays on A&E) and have gotten into it. It's a good show with interesting characters, but it's also way overrated. I think the entire fourth season passed with the most dramatic thing being the fallout from a fat joke. I had been watching Heroes (Mondays on NBC), but it was just moving too slowly for my liking, so I've decided to stockpile a few episodes. Maybe by watching multiple episodes at a time, the plot might advance enough.

On recommendations from others I have recorded some episodes of Reaper (Tuesdays on CW) and Pushing Daisies (Wednesdays on ABC), but haven't gotten around to watching either. If you would like to recommend shows to Entertainment News readers, you can do so in the comment section.

Remembering the Titans

2007-10-18T15:24:00.000-07:00

I was watching Remember the Titans on TV recently. It's kind of funny to think that so many of the cast members are still finding work, particularly on NBC. Below is a where-are-they-now revisiting of key cast members from the 2000 movie that got Disney rolling in the based-on-a-true-story sports sub-genre.

Denzel Washington (Coach Herman Boone)

Mr. Washington's career is about where it's always been. He's still plugging along in movies that without him would bomb at the box office. With him, however, they make enough to make sure his next movie will get made. Next up he's got American Gangster with Russell Crowe and from the trailers, it appears that even though he's the bad guy, it's the same stern-but-righteous Denzel character we've seen countless times before. After that he'll step into shoes long since warn out by the likes of Sidney Poitier, Michelle Pfeiffer, Julia Roberts, Kevin Kleine, Morgan Freemen and of course Robin Williams as he tackles the based-on-a-true-story inspirational teacher role in The Great Debaters. Doesn't sound too far off from his based-on-a-true-story inspirational coach role in Remember the Titans.

Wood Harris & Ryan Hurst (Julius Campbell & Gerry Bertier)

As far as the actual Titan football players go, these two were the central characters of the movie. While both are still working, neither has done anything particularly noteworthy as of late. Harris has a number of limited release movies coming out while Hurst does prime time drama guest appearances.

Ethan Suplee (Louie Lastik)

In what is probably the funniest character on the show, Suplee has found a home on NBC's Thursday night's My Name is Earl as Earl's extremely dimwitted brother Randy. Even when his character is trying to be bad, you can't help root for him. Perhaps his greatest moment was when he declared himself the Anti-Earl and made a list of the good things he had done in is life and then went about trying to make them wrong. That lasted about half an episode. Now that he's managed to get himself a job as a guard at Earl's prison, hilarity will no doubt ensue.

Donald Faison (Petey Jones)

Next week Mr. Faison will join Mr. Suplee on NBC's "Comedy Done Right" Thursday night lineup when Scrubs returns for its seventh and final season. I for one would like to take the opportunity to plug said lineup. After a summer of catch up via DVD rentals and syndicated reruns, I can now say I have seen every episode NBC's four Thursday night comedies (My Name is Earl, 30 Rock, Scrubs and The Office). Even though these shows finally seem to be building an audience, it really bugs me how NBC has the best shows but gets the worst ratings. I'll comment on that more in the days to come.

Ryan Gosling (Alan Bosley)

When the movie came out, if someone where to ask to you which Titans football player would be the first to get an Academy Award nomination would you honestly have said Mr. Gosling? After starring as the hero in the ultra chick flick The Notebook, Gosling hit the independent film circuit and got himself some Oscar recognition for Half Nelson about an inner-city junior high school teacher with a drug habit. More recently he went toe to toe with Anthony Hopkins in Fracture and next it's another odd indie flick Lars and the Real Girl. Busy guy.

Hayden Panettiere (Coach Yoast's 9-year-old daughter Sheryl)

Another one of NBC's big stars, Ms. Panettiere used her cheerleader movie experience in Bring It On: All or Nothing to land the role of the self-regenerating cheerleader Claire Bennet on Heroes. Yes, it seems that when they saved the cheerleader they did in fact save the world, although after watching the ending of the season one finale a few times, I can't really figure out how. Heroes is a good show, but (1) not enough happens to advance the storyline at a pace I would like and (2) it takes itself a little too seriously for being a cheap knock off of X-men. Whatever. Panettiere seems to have the teen angst mastered which should help her character be a part of many more fun-filled adventures caused her own stupidity.

Kate Bosworth (Bertier's girlfriend Emma Hoyt)

Ms. Bosworth has had probably the biggest rise to fame since Titans. After starring in Blue Crush she was lucky enough to Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! before portraying Sandra Dee opposite Kevin Spacey in the Bobby Darin biopic Beyond the Sea. Then she hit it big as Lois Lane in Superman Returns. Up next she has a slate full of movies, none of which is really worth mentioning at this point, but who knows, they could end up being interesting. There's always the chance of another Superman movie.

Cringe

2007-10-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

Every so often I see a movie poster that just makes my insides churn. Don't get me wrong. It's not as though I was a huge fan of the Chipmunks and remaking it is messing with something classic. I even like Jason Lee from his work on My Name is Earl, but something about imagining hip-hop chipmunks makes the back of my head, just above the neck, twinge with a certain amount of discomfort. Any bets on how many times Dave gets hit in the crotch?

Gladiators, Ready

2007-10-01T11:45:00.000-07:00

As I kid I remember watching American Gladiators, and even at the age of 12 I knew it was really cheesy. However, it was an effective way of distracting myself from the Saturday morning chore of cleaning my room. Recently I've watched a few reruns on ESPN Classic and it's just as I remember it. Although, in today's win-at-all-cost sports culture, including steroid allegations in the WWE, I can't help but wonder if Nitro or Turbo or any of the testosterwomen weren't using a little something extra to bulk up. Another thought I had based on the recent state of things was that if American Gladiators was on today it would have a bigger stage. I'm talking prime time television presented in HD with a semi-famous, charismatic host. Apparently somebody in a position of authority at NBC was thinking the same thing because tryouts are being held for a big budget prime time version of American Gladiators. The casting call is great because it makes it clear that any potential contenders or gladiators must bring their own shoes, towel and water as those items will not be provided (Come on! They couldn't even provide water?). Hopefuls must be "big, bad, and athletic" with the "heart, skills, and desire to compete." While strength, speed, balance and agility are important, so are how well you get along with roommates, the newspapers you read, the topics you consider off limits at dinner parties, and what you would do with your three wishes if you were Aladdin (all questions from the 27-page application).

It will be interesting to see if America is willing to embrace one more reality TV show. In today's homogenized entertainment industry, riding the trend wave is all about getting the formula right and when you break it all down, it appears the new American Gladiators is trying to follow the often-used classic formula:

	Deal or No Deal
+	WWE Smackdown
+	Fear Factor
-	Eating maggot-filled cow intestines

	Success

The Scott Man

2007-09-27T10:23:00.001-07:00

Few people are as excited as I for the Season 4 premiere of The Office tonight on NBC. To celebrate, here's a compilation of clips (1:50) I strung together from the first three seasons featuring Michael Scott (Steve Carrell) busting a few moves.

Back with a Vengeance

2007-09-27T09:42:00.003-07:00

OK, so my holdout didn't last that long, but I'm back anyway. As I previously stated, I lost interest in blogging when YouTube permanently disabled my account. One of my few hobbies was editing videos on my computer and then posting them to YouTube so I could embed them here. I had some interesting projects in the pipeline, but my enthusiasm wained when I received two e-mails from YouTube one day. The first one said that Twentieth Century Fox complained that my Arrested Development: Mock Trial with J. Reinhold was infringing on copyright and that the video would be disabled and I should delete any other videos that might infringe or my account would be shut down. I didn't really get a chance to comply because the second e-mail said the same thing about another video. So even though they were both sent the same day it would appear one was the warning and the other was the death nail because after that I couldn't log in anymore. It's disappointing because some of my compilations from The Office were approaching 300,000 views. But I have bounced back. In my quest to find an alternative to YouTube I have discovered that YouTube is actually quite inferior to a lot of what's out there. The main thing it has going for it is its traffic. I eventually selected Veoh.com to host my videos. It's not unlike YouTube in its set up, but there are fewer restrictions on file size, picture resolution and video length, so if you browse this web log, you'll see the entries that formerly featured my YouTube videos now feature better quality Veoh videos.

Update: Six months after posting this web log entry, my Veoh account has followed my YouTube account into extinction following similar complaints of copyright infringement. It would seem official now: there are no good video hosting sites left on the web.

Off the Air

2007-09-01T15:51:00.000-07:00

This is to inform loyal readers that for the time being I will no longer be contributing the world of blogging. This is largely a result of my disappointment with YouTube for permanently disabling my account. I received an e-mail from them threatening such because one of my videos was found to be in violation of copyright law according to 20th Century Fox. I considered it more of fan video and a service to Fox. Granted, none of what I put together could be considered entirely original work, but I would think the networks would want to permit videos like mine when they get comments like "I've never watched this show, after seeing this I'll have to check it out." So I apologize if most of the videos in this web log no longer work. Maybe in the future I will return here to write more, but for the time being I will not.

Crazy Hobbits

2007-08-27T19:25:00.001-07:00

Below are the two greatest Lord of the Rings music videos ever made. The first is "Leonard Nimoy's Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" (1:37), circa 1968. The second, "Frodo, Don't Wear the Ring" (1:45), is from last night's episode of Flight of the Conchords.

Soccer Week

2007-08-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

With Shark Week over, I decided to move on to another themed week. Since David Beckham is trying to make soccer sexy in America, I thought I'd try Soccer Week. Before I get into that though, I like to take the time to comment on Beckham. I'm not sure what to think. On the one hand I'm not a fan of "Becks" or anything that comes with as much hype as he has and I think it could be somewhat amusing seeing him fail. I'm also not a fan of the L.A. Galaxy, although that's probably the result of built-in prejudice against sports franchises from New York and L.A. On the other hand, I am a soccer fan and even an MLS fan (although not as much now that I no longer live in Salt Lake). I would love to see soccer grow in stature in the US, but I'm realistic. As TV's Craig Ferguson said "Some people think that Americans will discover soccer through David Beckham being here, which is ridiculous. I think Americans discovered soccer years ago and went 'eh.'"

To commemorate Soccer Week, I have been watching various soccer movies over the past few days. I started with The Miracle Match (aka The Game of Their Lives), the true story of the 1950 US Soccer Team that went to the World Cup in Brazil and upset heavily favored England 1-0. In my opinion it's right there among history's greatest sports upsets. They didn't go on to win it all like the 1980 Olympic Hockey Team, but the mere fact that these guys were all amateurs playing against English pros says a lot. After that I skipped ahead a few years to watch the documentary Once in a Lifetime: The Extraordinary Story of the New York Cosmos. For those of you unfamiliar with the Cosmos, they were one of the professional soccer teams in the North American Soccer League. Back in the 1970's the US decided it was ready for soccer and formed a league. Things didn't take off until the Cosmos managed to sign Pele. It was interesting to see the parallels between Beckham's arrival in America and Pele's. (Disclaimer: I do not consider Beckham and Pele to be on the same level in terms of skill or accomplishment, only in terms of hype and celebrity.) The problem with the NASL was it expanded too quickly (28 teams compared with 13 currently in the MLS) and couldn't hang on to its TV contract with ABC. That combined with the millions of dollars teams like the Cosmos were throwing at international players doomed them to fail. Hopefully MLS has learned something. The signing of David Beckham suggests they haven't.

Next I moved into the realm of soccer fiction by watching Goal!: The Dream Begins and its sequel Goal II: Living the Dream. If FIFA were to make a movie, it would be exactly like these two. They chronicle the life a young Santiago Munez as he goes from being an illegal Mexican immigrant living in L.A. to a European soccer star playing in the UEFA Champions League. The story lines are full of cliches, but the action is probably as good as any soccer movie out there. There are even plenty of cameos from stars like Beckham, Zidane and Raul. I then scaled things back a bit from soccer's second biggest stage (the third installment about Santiago playing in soccer's biggest stage, the World Cup, is due out next year), but kept with the current theme and watched Bend It Like Beckham featuring a pre-Pirates Keira Knightley, a pre-ER Parminder Nagra, a pre-Tudors Jonathan Rhys Meyers, and, despite the title, no David Beckham. It's a fun little movie with a ton of story lines all over the place.

Other soccer movies I recommend include Victory (or Escape to Victory) starring Michael Caine, Sylvester Stallone and Pele, The Cup about a group of Buddhist monks who watch the World Cup (it was the first movie to ever come out of Bhutan), The Other Final, a documentary about a 2002 match between Bhutan and Montserrat, the two lowest ranked teams in the world, and of course Air Bud: World Pup. Other soccer movies I've seen in the past include Shaolin Soccer (from Kung Fu Hustle's Stephen Chow) and countless kid soccer movies like The Big Green and Will Farrell's Kicking & Screaming.

Next year I will hype Soccer Week better and make it more of an event.

Shark Week

2007-08-04T11:17:00.000-07:00

"Live every week like it's Shark Week." The words of Tracy Jordan, the Eddie Murphy/Dave Chappelle/Chris Rock composite from 30 Rock (played by Tracy Morgan), to NBC page Kenneth have never rung truer. The Discovery Channel is wrapping up yet another Shark Week (17th annual or 29th annual depending on who's counting) and we here at Entertainment News have been debating the best way to celebrate. We considered spotlighting the Steven Spielberg classic Jaws, but instead decided to focus on jumping the shark. For those of you out there who just gasped in horror at the mention of such a dirty-sounding expression, let me reassure you that "jump the shark" is harmless. It comes from an episode of Happy Days in which Henry Winkler's Fonzie goes water skiing, leather jacket and all, and attempts to jump over a shark (You can see the clip here). From that moment on many felt the show didn't have it's same panache and so today when something, particularly a TV show, has passed its prime it is said to have jumped the shark. In fact, there is even a website dedicated to shows and their shark-jumping moments. The crafty writers of Arrested Development made fun of the Happy Days scene when Winkler, playing family lawyer Barry Peppercorn, is down at the docks with a dead shark and then declares he's off to Burger King and proceeds to jump over the shark.

Some are suggesting that Shark Week itself has jumped the shark. They argue that the Discovery Channel has failed to produce anything new and exciting in recent years (read the article here). I don't think I watched enough of Shark Week this year to form an opinion. I'm just fascinated by it's pop cultural lure. Aside from 30 Rock (NBC) it's also been mentioned by TV's Craig Ferguson (CBS), the guys on Pardon the Interruption (ESPN) and countless other places, I'm sure. So until next year's Shark Week, stay off the water skis.

Farewell to "The Paper"

2007-07-31T17:35:00.000-07:00

This week will see the last print issue of The Weekly World News. We here at Entertainment News are saddened by this announcement. What else are Americans supposed to do while waiting in line at the grocery store check out stand? Certainly not read the US Weekly or The National Inquirer. It's a sad day in America when celebrity gossip survives and news about aliens and bat people is cast aside. As recently as 1993 "The Paper" had the eighth highest circulation in the world (source: May Mackenzie in So I Married an Axe Murderer). Now we are required to turn to the online version for the latest in alien news or cross-species breading breakthroughs (porcuporks, armadillo-ducks, rhinocerchickens). Let us all observe a moment of silence for "The Paper." That means that those of you reading out loud need to pause before finishing this sentence.

Variety Bucket

2007-07-24T12:54:00.007-07:00

I suppose I might be at that stage many journalists find themselves at one time or another. (Yes, I do consider myself a journalist. While I don't consider what I write important at all, I do actually have a degree in journalism.) You might call it writer's block. Maybe the excitement or thrill I originally got from "blogging" has worn off. Maybe it's the fact that my web log has been getting only about 10-15 visitors a day, which is down from the 45-50 it had been getting and a far cry from the 7,280 it got on June 8. Whatever it is, I've been having trouble coming up with fresh and creative blog entries. I'm never really short on ideas, it's the seeing the ideas through that has slowed me down. So I've decided today I will lay out several of the smaller ideas I've been kicking around into one random mess of a blog entry.

I've only watched a few episodes, but HBO's Flight of Conchords is the funniest new show to come along in a while. It's too early to tell if it will reach the level of esteem where I currently hold Arrested Development and The Office, but that first episode had me laughing all the way through it. Below is a clip (3:21) where a music video/music montage breaks out during the first episode.

For "The Vader Project," an art show in New York City, 66 artists were given replicas of Darth Vader helmets as a blank canvas and asked to go to work. Some of the better results can be seen below. More photos can be seen here.

Sunday was the 67th birthday of the great Alex Trebek. We here at Entertainment News wish him the best. With all the big-budget game shows that seem to come and go with all their pomp and pretense (Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Deal or No Deal and their subsequent clones), Jeopardy! is the constant, steady standard you can set your watch to.

A&E will soon debut a new reality TV show called The Two Coreys starring Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. From what I can gather it's basically a camera following these two losers around for weekly half-hour segments. It's a good thing they both spell their names with an "ey" or the marketing department would need to come up a different catchy title. I can't think if there has ever been a show that has featured two "actors" more desperate for a paycheck than this one. On a related note, you will soon be able to get your own Corey Feldman action figure. A toy company specializing in nostalgic toys based on cult movies will be launching a line of action figures from the 1985 movie The Goonies. Besides Feldman's "Mouth," the line will also include Chunk, Sloth, Data (the kid from Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom) and Sean Astin's Mikey.

I'm a sucker for funny cameos from famous actors. One of my favorites is Charlton Heston in Wayne's World 2, seen below (1:24).

I recently watched the movies The Prestige and The Illusionist within a week of each other so I could compare. I'd have to give the edge to The Prestige if for no other reason than David Bowie. Below is picture of him the 1986 movie Labyrinth and one from The Prestige in which he played the inventor Tesla. Who knew he had such range? And speaking of funny celebrity cameos, David Bowie showing up to officiate the the walk-off scene in Zoolander is also among the best.

Late Night Battle

2007-07-17T16:30:00.006-07:00

Of the late night talk show hosts, Craig Ferguson has quickly risen to the top and is now my favorite.

Back when it was announced that the mean Scottish boss from The Drew Carey Show would take over the show after Letterman, I remember thinking "That guy!? Who's going to watch that?" Fortunately for him, the people at CBS recognize the added exposure their shows get from YouTube and have uploaded several clips themselves. Below is a great clip (3:54) from a show back in May where Craig is talking about the "Up-fronts" (where networks unveil their fall lineups).

I don't much care for Jimmy Kimmel and Jay Leno has gotten stale. David Letterman is funny, but his show is too frustrating for me to watch because he is too easily distracted and takes forever to make his point. Conan is good. He's probably my second favorite. Below is a clip (1:10) from when he hosted the Emmy's last year and drops in on the folks from The Office. You can see the entire 7-minute Emmy opening sequence here. In it Conan also visits Lost, 24, House, South Park and To Catch a Predator.

Movie Combos

2007-07-09T21:30:00.000-07:00

A game I used to play with friends is one where you take two movie titles and combine them together to make one cleverly humorous movie title. For example Dirty Dancing plus Dances with Wolves becomes Dirty Dances with Wolves. There's also A Walk to Remember the Titans, Dirty Harry & Hendersons and several others. Back in 2003, after compiling a sizeable list, I submitted it to Jeff Vice, the Deseret Morning News movie critic and weekend entertainment columnist, who featured a few in an article which can be seen here. That was four years ago. The Internet has grown some since then and, as I've mentioned before on this web log, that has brought us access to vast amounts of creativity. I've already featured recut movie trailers (including those for Must Love Jaws and 10 Things I Hate About Commandements), so today I'll spotlight the Photoshop skills of the many web monkeys out there. Much like how I created my Incredible Shrulk, other people have gone beyond thinking up title combinations and have created movie posters featuring their creations. Some of my favorites can be seen below.

(Click on an image to see it full size)

The New Mystery Science Theater 3000

2007-06-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

Many of you out there might be familiar with Mystery Science Theater 3000, the low budget show that had a good run the 1990's on the Sci-Fi Channel and Comedy Central. For those of you who aren't familiar, it was a show where a guy and two robots were banished into outer space and forced to watch really awful movies from the 50's, 60's and 70's. The catch is, as they watched them, they would make fun of them, but at a well thought out comedic level. Eventually the show ran out of steam and finally ended. Many of the episodes are available on DVD with the option of turning off the wise-cracking audio commentary, although why someone would subject themselves to watching Manos: The Hands of Fate or Red Zone Cuba in their original form is beyond me.

Fast forward to today. Mike Nelson, one of MYST3K's creators, has set up a web site called Rifftrax.com where he and some of the old gang have moved on to making fun of current popular movies. How it works is you pay somewhere in the neighborhood of $3 to download an audio track of snarky comments and then play it in an MP3 player while watching the movie, thus mimicking the Mystery Science Theater experience. The whole idea's popularity appears to be growing along with the available library. They've got big bidget stuff like Star Wars: Episodes I, Casino Royale and The Fantastic Four, plus a number of other movies that are ripe for mockery like Crossroads with Britney Spears and Glitter with Mariah Carey. So far I've downloaded the Rifftrax for X-Men and Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (see some sample clips below) and all I can say is it's good to have the guys back. I've even taken it a step further and extracted the movie from the DVD, added the Rifftrax to the audio and re-burned it to DVD. It makes for an enjoyable 2-3 hours of viewing.

For more samples go here.

AFI 100: My Thoughts

2007-06-21T10:00:00.001-07:00

Ten years ago the American Film Institute celebrated 100 years of film making in America by releasing a list of the 100 Greatest American Films. Since then, it has periodically released similar "100 Greatest" lists including Greatest Stars, Greatest Heroes & Villains, and Greatest Movie Quotes. Last night CBS aired a 10th anniversary revision in which the institute essentially threw out the old list and ranked the 100 Greatest American films all over again (See the complete list here). Frankly, I was a little surprised with the amount movement when comparing the two lists. Raging Bull jumped from 24 up to 4, Vertigo moved from 61 up to 9, and the John Wayne western The Searchers made a huge leap from 96 all the way to 12. There were 23 films new to list, but only four of those have been released since 1997: The Fellowship of the Ring (50), Saving Private Ryan (71), Titanic (83) and The Sixth Sense (89). The others are just older movies that have apparently grown in stature, the most notably being the 1927 Buster Keaton film The General which debuted on the list at 18 (how a movie is perceived 80 years after its release can be that different from how it is perceived 70 years after its release is beyond me). Of course, 23 new films means 23 films were taken off the list. James Dean seems to be the big loser here as two of his movies, Rebel Without A Cause and Giant, are no longer among the elite. More recent movies to get dropped were Dances With Wolves and Fargo.

Those were the facts. Now here's my opinions. I could just rank my 100 greatest films or say which ones are too high, but that's exactly what the AFI would want me to do. That's why they air these specials, so people will debate them next day. Instead I'll just focus on a handful of films from the list and issue my own recommendations for you to watch. Take them for what they're worth.

Citizen Kane (1), The Third Man (Dropped): Orson Welles was a genius. His problem is he made the greatest movie ever at age 26. Where do you go from there? Citizen Kane is a great example of excellent film making. The camera angles, the editing, the acting are all brilliant. For a follow up watch The Third Man, which features Welles in one my favorite scenes of all time. His acting in that movie is nothing short of incredible.

The Godfather (2): I've previously commented on Al Pacino's performance in this movie. It's very different from the over-the-top Pacino you see these days. Brando is excellent as well. Some people like the sequel better, and the parts with Robert De Niro are great, but I think Part I is still the better of the two.

Casablanca (3), The Maltese Falcon (31), The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (38): Here we have three contrasting performances from Humphrey Bogart. Sure he plays a tough guy in all three, but in a different way. The stoicism in Casablanca is what he's best known for, but in Falcon he shows a little more personality. In Treasure he goes mad.

Lawrence of Arabia (7), The Bridge on the River Kwai (36): David Lean was so far ahead of his time it's ridiculous. These two movies are definitely worth viewing, even though they are both really long. Peter O'Toole is amazing as T.E. Lawrence and Alec Guiness out performs William Holden, who was the first actor to receive a million-dollar paycheck for his role in Bridge.

On the Waterfront (19): Here we see a young Brando in his other Oscar-winning role. Watch this and then watch The Godfather.

To Kill a Mockingbird (25): While we're talking about AFI, the institute named Atticus Finch as it greatest film hero of all time. It's a good choice and Gregory Peck is legendary in this movie.

High Noon (27): Gary Cooper was in quite a few good movies, but this one sort of stands alone, no pun intended.

Dr. Strangelove (39): I'm not much of a Stanley Kubrick fan, but this movie is hilarious. Peter Sellers plays three characters and each one is more over the top than the previous.

It Happened One Night (46): They don't make movies like this anymore. In the height of the studio contract days, Frank Capra managed to "borrow" Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert from MGM for two weeks to film this little movie that went on to big things. Though nearly 75 years old, it's is still a lot of fun.

Rear Window (48): Vertigo may have climbed way up on the list, but of the four collaborations Jimmy Stewart had with Alfred Hitchcock, it's probably my least favorite. I like Rear Window and The Man Who Knew Too Much more. I even like Rope, a movie that was filmed in only eight shots, more than Vertigo.

Jaws (56): The original shark movie is still a classic. The editing and pacing in this movie are excellent, even if the shark does look fake.

In the Heat of the Night (75): It's all too easy these days for filmmakers to make racism the bad guy. This movie goes a little further and gives its characters enough flaws to seem more realistic without detracting from the overall sense of right and wrong.

12 Angry Men (87): Henry Fonda is really good in this movie. It's interesting to watch as his character, just trying to do his duty as a juror, goes through and creates reasonable doubt in the minds of the other jurors one-by-one.

Great Plains & Rolling Stones

2007-06-16T16:35:00.005-07:00

A few months ago The Discovery Channel aired a series of nature and wildlife programs called Planet Earth. I recently started watching the series as it has been replaying on Discovery's sibling station Animal Planet. So far I'd say it's a notch above other nature programs out there. I definitely have to give a lot of credit to the amazing camera shots that were secured. Below is a short clip (1:04) from the episode entitled "Great Plains." I added a little music to spice things up a bit.

As Seen on IMDb

2007-06-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

It's been kind of a crazy weekend here at Entertainment News. Back in February I drafted a sarcastic blog entry entitled "Untapped Goldmine" which talks about how Hollywood should turn to workout videos for new movies ideas. Friday it was featured on the The Internet Movie Database's Hit List, a daily list of 5-10 links to movie and TV articles from sources such as Variety, Entertainment Weekly, The LA Times and other major Hollywood publications, as well as a few amateur sites. Since then it's been mentioned a number of other places like exercise video forums, a Hollywood insider message board, a major joke of the day site feed and even a white supremacy blog, whose writer feels rather passionately about white jokes and affirmative action, both of which I touched on briefly in the form of movie clichés. Needless to say, traffic to the Web Log went through the roof. For the first 7+ months of tracking, Entertainment News received 2,365 visits, an average of about 10.5 per day. Although, more recently it had been averaging about 48 per day, mostly from people who got here by way of a Google image search that turned up a collage I created for a surprisingly popular blog entry about bad 1980's sitcoms. For the three days the link was on IMDb.com (June 8-10), the Web Log received 12,910 visits, the bulk of which (7,280) came on Friday. Now things should return to normal. I still expect a few extra visitors to trickle in from those other links I mentioned, and who knows, maybe I landed some new Entertainment News fans. Of course there will always be the random visitor who finds his way by typing some odd phrase into a search engine. Below is a sample of my favorite more recent searches that have somehow brought people here.

(The hyper links are to blog entries that discuss those topics, although usually not in the searcher's intended context.)

Why does tourettes get worse in your 30's?
What happened to Bee Gee's music on iTunes?
Marilyn Manson, 80's sitcoms
What was the plot development in the movie Stomp the Yard?
Soleil Moon Frye hot
Why does Baskin and Robbins have 31 flavors?
List of cars Robert Goulet owns
What would Mikey Smith mean in mafia terms?
The average guy wishes he could step into: George Clooney
Seduce a marine
Is Brice Beckham in a rock band?
Josie Davis ugly Nicole Eggert pretty
Air Bud based on a true story
Does Johnny Depp use sense memory in his acting work?
Explain the ending of Pirates 3
David Caruso was a navy seal
John Travolta look alike in Phoenix, Arizona for parties
Salma Hayek catfight legs
Is Jerry Supiran really Billy Corgan?
Fight Club in comparison to the Allegory of the Cave
Keith Olbermann sucks
People who disagree with the infinite monkey theorem
NBA Finals 2007 game fixed
The silver surfer's weenie

Arrested Development: The Band Reunites

2007-06-09T13:00:00.012-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted anything related to Arrested Development, so here's a classic clip from Season 1 where Dr. Fünke's 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution gets back together.

I would like to point out that this blog entry was made possible by The Natural Life Food Company, a division of Chem Grow, an Allyn-Crane acquisition and part of the Squimm Group.

Epiphany of Confusion

2007-06-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those moments where you're watching a movie that isn't like most movies because it's really artsy or there's lots of symbolism or the story isn't told in chronological order or the movie is Asian? The moment I'm referring to is when you're engrossed in film because it's kind of hard to follow but you're determined to see it through because you've paid so close attention thus far. Finally the various plot elements are starting to come together and you hope the payoff in the end will be completely mind blowing. Then you have the moment. It dawns on you that you won't understand the ending, even though it's still 30 minutes away. You identify with the characters. You pick up on a few pieces of symbolism. But none of that matters, because you already know the ending won't make any sense, at least not to you. You realize you're watching a movie that will no doubt end up as a cult classic because 1) it's too weird for mainstream to embrace it and 2) it's so confusing that the few people out there that claim to understand it will band together and pat each other on the back. That's not to say that the movie experience has been a complete waste of time. Maybe the movie is visually stunning or the acting is profound or the score is particularly powerful or the cinematography is ground breaking. But in the end, you know you'll be disappointed because this could have been one the great ones.

I had such a moment recently while watching Darren Aronofsky's The Fountain with Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz. Without giving away the ending (which I don't think I could, since I'm not really sure what happened at the end), here's a brief synopsis: three stories - one each from the past, present, and future - about men in pursuit of eternal life. A conquistador in Mayan country searches for the tree of life to free his captive queen; a medical researcher, working with tree sap, looks for a cure that will save his dying wife; a space traveler, traveling with an aged tree within a bubble, moves toward a dying star that's wrapped in a nebula; all seek enlightenment. I just wish someone would enlighten me as to what it was I just watched.

Other movies where I've had similar epiphanies of my own impending confusion include Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and, to a lesser extent, Memento and Spirited Away. It's worth noting that I liked those movies.

2007 NBA Playoffs

2007-05-31T22:00:00.003-07:00

Disclaimer: As a matter a full disclosure, I feel it necessary to point out that I grew up in Utah and therefore I am a huge Jazz fan. However, I now live in Phoenix and the Suns style of basketball has wooed me to the point where I now count myself among their fans as well.

Now that the 2007 NBA Playoffs are over, I thought it would be a good time to recap the action. "But John," you're probably saying to yourself, "the playoffs aren't over yet. We still have to decide the Eastern Conference Finals and the NBA Finals." Let's stop and reflect for a minute. The San Antonio Spurs versus any team form the East. How about somebody just send me an e-mail when it's all done letting me know who wins.

Let's begin with the first round. The big story is Golden State's dismantling of Dallas (my sympathies to Fatty and Jonny). While I'll agree the Warriors played some excellent high-energy basketball, I wasn't ready to anoint them the champs like everyone else. In fact, after they won the series in six games, I wanted the Jazz to beat Houston worse than ever because I knew that would mean a real chance of advancing the conference finals. The Utah-Golden State series showed that the Warriors' success over the Mavs was all about match-ups, which is why Utah had such an easy time with them in Round 2. I know, Golden State was right there in Game 1, should have won Game 2 and blew out the Jazz in Game 3, but after that, the wheels came off. Their performance in Games 4 & 5 reminded me of Game 7 of the 1994 NBA Finals where Houston defeated New York because John Starks couldn't hit a shot but refused to stop trying. Talk about one-dimensional basketball. It was as if Don Nelson really wanted to beat Dallas and after he did he just sort of exhaled and went in to semi-retirement for Round 2. Speaking of the Jazz, how can their fans not be excited for the future, especially after the way DeRon Williams emerged as some sort of 22-year-old hybrid of Jason Kidd and Steve Nash. Also, that bench is full young promising stars like Paul Milsapp and Dee Brown, two rookies who both played quality minutes. The fact that Jerry Sloan has never won Coach of the Year is a sham. This year it went to Toronto's Sam Mitchell. Please. The Eastern Conference is the NBA's answer to the NIT and should be treated as such. (In a related matter, the fact that the lottery awarded the top two picks to Western Conference teams suggests that things aren't likely to get better any time soon).

The other half of the Western Conference bracket was just as intriguing, at least in the second round. After Phoenix dismissed the Lakers in five (oh, poor Kobe), and San Antonio did the same with Denver, NBA fans were treated to the true NBA finals. Seriously, with Dallas out of the way, did anybody have any realistic expectations of winning it all besides these two? Too bad David Stern and his cronies had to go and ruin it. I know a rule is a rule but so are traveling and lane violations and how often are they enforced? In essence, suspending Boris Diaw and Amare Stoudemire for almost leaving the bench after Robert Horry's hard fowl on Steve Nash rewarded the aggressor and punished Phoenix even though the two players really didn't do anything. What that ruling did is encourage thuggary in the NBA because it sends the message that if you send in a bench player to commit a hard foul, you've got a good chance of inciting your opponent into behavior that could result in suspensions. It really is a shame because Phoenix most likely would have won Game 5. Would they have won the series? I guess we'll never know.

I've found it interesting how the Spurs have fallen out of favor with me the past few years. It was hard to root against David Robinson and Tim Duncan because of their attitudes and work ethic, but now Duncan has supplanted Dikembe Mutombo as the player with the most outlandish look of disbelief when whistled for a foul. Yes, Tim, when you grab a guy's elbow and clock him in the head as he goes up for a shot, it is a foul. How Tony Parker continues to get calls after driving into the lane and falling down baffles me. The rest of the Spurs are a lot like Detroit's bad boy teams of the late 1980's, but with a more international flavor. Bruce Bowen is a dirty player, despite what he says, and Robert Horry is nothing more than a cheap-shot artist, reminiscent of the legendary Rick Fox.

For the most part, TNT and ESPN/ABC's coverage of the playoffs was poor. I think Steve Kerr is the best color commentary guy in pro basketball and Craig Sager is the be all and end all of sideline reporters. I found myself tuning in just to see what suit-shirt-tie combination he would wear next. Aside from them the coverage sucked. I know the NBA season is long, but did anyone else get the impression that the guys picking the camera angles were bored? That wire camera was vastly overused. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a camera constantly fixed on Eva Longoria so they could cut to shots of her at a moment's notice. Of course, that way ABC can plug her show which happens to be on their network. The announcers were mostly pretty bad too, especially during the Western Conference Finals. Mike Breen is fine, but Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy's playful banter and jabs at each other got old fast. Also, some geography lessions might have helped the announcers. At one point Breen, talking about Spurs center Fabricio Oberto, said he was in his second year in the NBA, but was 32 years old because he had played 12 years in Europe: six years in Argentina, one in Greece and five in Spain. Another occasion saw them talking about how when drafting Argentinian Manu Ginobili, the Spurs had a choice between him and another European player. The guys at ESPN Deportes need to slap their colleagues on the back of the head. I suppose it could have been worse. Had it been Bill Walton during every game I would have watched on mute. I've never been a fan of the three-man broadcasting team. The art of the two-man team is apparently lost on ESPN who had no less than 11 on-air personalities at Game 1 of the Utah-San Antonio series. At least none of them was Charles Barkley, the epitome of unprofessionalism. Below is a clip of the post game show following Utah's Game 7 victory over Houston in the first round (1:57). Sir Charles was too busy watching a boxing match to do his job.

Life Imitates Art

2007-05-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

Our story begins in 1903 with founding of the Pacific Coast League, a minor league baseball league that was once considered for "promotion" to the majors after WWII. One of the original members of the PCL was the Oakland Oaks who would remain in the Bay Area until 1956 when the New York Giants moved to San Francisco. The Oaks relocated to Vancouver and called themselves the Mounties. In 1970 the team moved to Salt Lake City becoming the Bees and then the Angels and then the Gulls. In 1985 they moved back to Canada becoming the Calgary Cannons.

This is where things get interesting. In 2003 the team moved to its current location: Albuquerque, NM and held a fan-voting contest to choose a new name. It had been only two years since the Dukes had left town, but fans still wanted a new name. They chose Isotopes. The few naive people in New Mexico will say this is because the state deals with nuclear chemicals, but everyone else knows the name comes from a Season 12 episode of The Simpsons entitled "Hungry Hungry Homer." This is the episode that features Blocko Land, the amusement park made entirely of Blocko brand assembly fun blocks. The trip to Blocko Land marks the beginning of Homer's quest to help "schmoes with their problems." He talks a girl into asking Bart on date and helps the hair dressers at Hairy Shearers increase their razor-thin profit margins by switching from loafer lightener to mincing gel. He then moves on to his most daunting task of all, a hunger strike to bring to light the Duff Corporation's plans to move the Springfield Isotopes to Albuquerque. The highlights include Homer getting visited by the spirit of Cesar Chaves ("Why do you look like Cesar Romero?" "Because you don't know what Cesar Chavez looks like."), getting replaced by Paint-Drinking Pete and the brand new Isotope Dog Supreme with Mesquite-grilled onions, jalapeño relish and mango lime salsa, the kind of bold flavor they enjoy in Albuquerque.

My reasons for telling this story are to spotlight the power pop culture has over the masses, and to remind people that The Simpsons was actually funny not that long ago.

Finding Nemo In Sushi

2007-05-22T21:18:00.000-07:00

Having worked in direct mail advertising, I can really appreciate the creative genius behind this piece from Australia. The channel TV2 sent sushi to media planners and buyers to encourage them to book advertising space during Sunday Premier Movies. The piece, which was in fact edible, generated unprecedented inquiries to the sales team which managed to sell 100% ad space for the show.

Hollywood's Old Shoe

2007-05-17T15:42:00.000-07:00

Even though this summer's movie season is just barely underway, it's never too early to look ahead to next year. In fact, I'm convinced that many of the movie publications out there, including some legitimate ones like Entertainment Weekly, are too obsessed with what's coming in the future. There are two reasons for this. First, the hype feeds the machine that is Hollywood's current business model. It's all about the opening weekend. Sometimes sequels get the green light based solely on a good opening weekend. Second, when nobody has seen a particular movie, there's still a chance that it could be the greatest movie ever. In other words, when a movie is still just an idea, Hollywood hasn't had a chance to ruin it yet. This couldn't be more true when it comes to remakes. Janet Maslin of the New York Times summed it up best:

"Can there be too much of a good thing? For some movie makers, the answer is clearly no. Every so often, one of them is tempted to tinker with success by remaking an esteemed or popular old movie. Sometimes the remake is a labor of love, and sometimes it's an exercise in commerce. Sometimes the endeavor is a homage to the earlier film or its director. Sometimes there is an effort to update an old story. Sometimes the idea is to apply new techniques—color and wide-screen—to a film that once unfolded in black and white on a small screen. And sometimes the remake is pervaded by a challenge—to take the old movie and make it bigger, better, gaudier than before. Hitchcock even remade Hitchcock. The master of suspense made The Man Who Knew Too Much in England in 1934 with Leslie Banks, Edna Best and Peter Lorre. And he did it again in the United States in 1956 with James Stewart, Doris Day and Bernard Miles. As is often the case, there are those who love the first, loathe the second."

So in a effort to do my part to feed hype to the machine, here are some examples of remakes that are somewhere in the development pipeline. Hitchcock set a dangerous precedent by remaking Hitchcock because now it seems everyone wants to remake Hitchcock as well. We've already seen Psycho, A Perfect Murder (a remake of Dial M for Murder) and several remakes of Rear Window (the latest being Disturbia), but on the way are The Birds, The 39 Steps and Strangers on a Train. Hitchcock isn't the only master to get a makeover. Other notable movie remakes you can hope to see soon include Kiki's Delivery Service, Labyrinth (this time with Hillary Swank instead of Jennifer Connelly), The Topkapi Affair (a remake of Topkapi which earned Peter Ustinov* an Oscar, and which will serve as a sequel to The Thomas Crown Affair which is itself a remake), The Incredible Shrinking Man, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and two movies that could sure use an upgrade in the special effects: Clash of the Titans and Logan's Run (the latter of which actually received a Special Achievement Oscar for its visual effects the year before Star Wars came out).

Of course, what would a list of upcoming remakes be without the obligatory recycled horror movies. Coming soon are Creepshow, Halloween, Hellraiser, Piranha and The Fly.

Don't forget the TV shows that will be butchered—I mean adapted—for the big screen. In the past the good ones have been The Fugitive, The Addams Family and... I can't come up with any more, but I'm sure there are some. The list of bad adaptations are too long to list, the most recent ones being Starsky & Hutch, The Dukes of Hazzard and Miami Vice. Let's just say I don't have high hopes for the ones I'm listing here except perhaps Get Smart with Steve Carrell as Maxwell Smart and a supporting cast that includes Anne Hathaway, Alan Arkin, Terence Stamp and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. The rest are CHiPs (with Wilmer Valderrama, aka Fez from That 70's Show, as Ponch), Dallas (with John Travolta as JR), I Dream of Jeannie (with Jimmy Fallon as Major Nelson), Knight Rider and The A-Team. And don't forget this summer's The Simpsons Movie.

As for kids' cartoons making it to movie form as either cartoon, CGI or live-action, we have The Jetsons, The Smurfs, Voltron and this summer's Transformers and Underdog.

Following the Success of The Departed (a remake of Hong Kong's Infernal Affairs), expect a slew of other Asian movies being remade for US audiences. And, speaking of imports, TV will also be dabbling in foreign remakes. Popular British shows Life on Mars (about a cop trapped in the 1970's) and Footballer's Wives (changed from soccer to American football and renamed Football Wives) will be remade like The Office was. They will join The Bionic Woman as new shows next season based on other shows.

* The late Peter Ustinov was an accomplished actor who is probably best known to my generation as the voice of Prince John in Disney's Robin Hood. My favorite quote of his is "I believe that the Jews have made a contribution to the human condition out of all proportion to their numbers: I believe them to be an immense people. Not only have they supplied the world with two leaders of the stature of Jesus Christ and Karl Marx, but they have even indulged in the luxury of following neither one nor the other."

2007 Summer Movie Preview

2007-05-07T13:20:00.000-07:00

Now that Spider-Man 3 has kicked off the summer movie season, I thought I'd finally weigh in and give my thoughts. Since there are countless other summer movie previews out there, each one more in depth than mine, I will keep it simple and categorize the big summer movies based my interest in seeing them. Who knows, I might actually pay to go see one or two of them in theaters.

First in Line at the Box Office: Two years ago when movie theater attendance dropped off significantly, a myriad of causes were being tossed around including a decline in the quality of movies, the shrinking window between theatrical and DVD-release dates, increasingly annoying theater patrons, endless commercials before the trailers, an increase in movie ticket prices, and technological advances in home theaters. I can say that every single one of these has contributed to my decline in movie going. Consequently, not a single one of this summer's movies has me bubbling over with excitement. So, as much I hate to kick things off on a down note, no movies make it into this first category.

Worth Seeing Opening Weekend: There might not seem like much a difference between this category and the previous one, but my basic movie philosophy says that some movies are more like an event than a movie. If you don't see it soon, some appeal is lost. Paying to see a movie in theaters often comes with more than a seat in a sticky auditorium. You get to participate in the conversation with people who have seen it. You get be a part of the excitement. You get to say, unapologetically, "yes, I fully buy into the hype and while I know my behavior is the byproduct of a marketing machine, I feel more American for taking the ride." Star Wars and Independence Day are great examples of movies previously in this category. If you didn't see "ID4" during the 1996 July 4th weekend, the movie just wasn't as good, which is the main difference between this category and one above. This year, the media have deemed three movies worthy of these two categories: Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. I have absolutely no interest in seeing Spider-Man 3. My dislike for Toby Maguire seems to be growing by the week. Not even a free ticket and a tub of popcorn would get me to the theater. As for Shrek, the first two films were charming and certainly had their moments, but somehow I fail to see where the mass appeal comes from. Can someone tell me why Shrek is so much more popular than then your garden-variety CGI film? So while I am discussing Shrek here, my interest in seeing it lies much lower on this page. Pirates, on the other hand, interests me. The first movie was a very pleasant surprise. The second was a little disappointing mostly because there was no ending. So in Pirates 3, we get our ending, thus my interest in seeing it.

Growing Anticipation: The movies in this category actually carry more interest for me than Pirates, however, because of the event movie appeal, the ticket price doesn't carry as much value. The first is The Bourne Ultimatum. I really liked the first two movies. They have all the standard action movie clichés with just enough originality to keep me interested. And while I can't stand his buddy Ben Affleck, Matt Damon brings to his roles a certain level of subtle professionalism. Also this summer, he stars in the other movie in this category: Ocean's Thirteen. While the first one was great, the second one was kind of dumb. However, Steven Soderbergh and crew promise this one will be better, calling it "Ocean's The One We Should Have Made Last Time." I've previoulsy ragged on Brad Pitt for his Long & Serious Trilogy, but I will say this: he does comedy well. When he doesn't take himself too seriously, he is quite entertaining.

Dollar Theater/Wait for the DVD: Pixar has yet to make a bad movie, yet for some reason I find that I enjoy their movies more when I can view them free from the hype and just enjoy the quality film making. Waiting until a movie is in the dollar theater or new on DVD removes a lot of the expectation that come with paying full price in a theater. That is not to say that Ratatouille might disappoint at full price, but it is one of those movies I'd rather see at some point down the road when I'm ready for it. The rest of the movies in this category interest me, but not enough to fork over full price either because I'm taking a wait-until-I-hear-more approach as is the case with Transformers or The Simpsons Movie, or, on the contrary, I know what to expect and don't feel in a hurry, as is the case with Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix or Rush Hour 3. You could probably make the stretch and throw Evan Almighty into the category. The original Bruce Almighty was mildly funny, and I've been a fan of Steve Carrell dating back to the short-lived Dana Carvey Show. His "Germans Who Say Nice Things" is a classic bit. It is also worth noting that should I fail to see Pirates during opening weekend (a growing probability since movie tickets in Phoenix are kind of expensive and some theaters think that matinée pricing should end after 12:00 instead of after 5:00), it would fall all the way to this category. I begin to count how many movies once had me excited but I never got around to watching until DVD.

Maybe on TV: The only remaining category applies to movies that perhaps mildly appeal to me, but not enough to pay any money to see them. It's kind of early yet to place many movies here because I have mostly just blocked out the advertising for them and forced them off my radar. I suppose Live Free or Die Hard could be one. License to Wed with Mandy Moore might be one also because it has four cast members from The Office (although it has "chick flick" written all over it). Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer and Shrek are two more.

Other movies will eventually join these lists and some fluctuation will occur, but for now this is where I stand.

Mafia Matchup

2007-04-25T16:11:00.003-07:00

Since today is Al Pacino's birthday, I thought it would be a good time to take a look at his career thus far. He is certainly one of Hollywood's most charismatic actors and looking at his early films compared to his more recent ones, it's easy to see his evolution as an actor. In fact, one need not look beyond a single character: Michael Corleone. Compare The Godfather: Part I with The Godfather: Part III. The first shows how Pacino lead with silence, while the latter shows how over the top he can be.

Another actor whose career has followed a similar path as Pacino's is Robert De Niro. Of course my wife thinks that the two (along with Dustin Hoffman) are the same person anyway. No one denies the acting ability of either actor, but once considered on top of the world, both regularly have their ability to choose a decent film project called into question. But if all else fails the two could always do another mafia movie together. I don't know what it is with Italians and mobster movies, but that stereotype is alive and well and Pacino and De Niro are the kings. In breaking it down further, De Niro edges out Pacino by three. He has appeared in 14 mafia, mobster, gangster or other form of organized crime movies compared to Pacino's 11. The two haven't always played the mobster, but their Italian blood must mean the mafia is involved somehow, right? Below is the breakdown. You'll notice that both actors have The Godfather: Part II and Heat on their lists.

Robert De Niro	Al Pacino
The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight (1971) Mean Streets (1973) The Godfather: Part II (1974) Once Upon a Time in America (1984) The Untouchables (1987) Midnight Run (1988) Goodfellas (1990) Mad Dog and Glory (1993) A Bronx Tale (1993) Casino (1995) Heat (1995) Cop Land (1997) Analyze This (1999) Analyze That (2002)	The Godfather (1972) Serpico (1973) The Godfather: Part II (1974) Scarface (1983) Dick Tracy (1990) The Godfather: Part III (1990) Carlito's Way (1993) Heat (1995) City Hall (1996) Donnie Brasco (1997) Gigli (2003)

The Incredible Shrulk

2007-04-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

Back in 2003, the movie The Hulk earned $132 million at the US box office. Its performance was deemed a disappointment considering the built-in popularity of the source material. I've previously shared my thoughts on the movie noting that while I was a fan of both the live-action Incredible Hulk television series and Incredible Hulk cartoon, combining the two into one movie (with a CGI Hulk instead of a hand-drawn one) came off as kind of dumb. However, the folks at Marvel Comics and Universal Studios feel the Hulk still has earning potential so they have announced plans for a sequel/reboot for next summer. Eric Bana is out as Bruce Banner and super weenie Edward Norton is in. I see where they're coming from and I don't like it. They're adopting a copy cat strategy. Look at Spider-Man. It has Tobey Maguire, the biggest weenie of them all, as its star. My fear is that other classic super hero roles will begin to be filled by weenies and losers too. What if they decide to reboot Superman (again) with Jake Gyllenhaal or what if Richard Gere gets cast as a super hero? No, I don't like this trend. If Marvel wanted to make some green on the Hulk they should have cast Mike Myers as Bruce Banner so that when he gets angry he could turn into a giant green monster that would look something like the image below.

Tired of Keith Olbermann

2007-04-17T13:26:00.000-07:00

It was recently announced that Keith Olbermann would be joining Bob Costas, Tiki Barber and The Bus on Football Night in America, the studio show that accompanies NBC's Sunday night NFL coverage. Let me be the first to say this sucks. Olbermann is a jackass. It doesn't matter on what side of the political aisle you sit, pundits are bad for America and Olbermann is right there with Rush Limbaugh among the worst. Those of you who have your SportsCenter blinders on and love everything ESPN, need to wake up and see Olbermann for what he is, a hypocrite. Case in point: A while back Donald Rumsfeld gave a speech equating Iraq War opponents to pre-World War II appeasers. Olbermann shot back saying "As a critic of the administration, I will be damned if you can get away with calling me the equivalent of a Nazi appeaser. No one has the right to say that about any free-speaking American in this country." I don't necessarily agree with Rumsfeld, but lets think about Olbermann's comment for a minute. What is free speech if not the right to say something about those who oppose you? Olbermann wouldn't bother me so much if he would pick a job and stick to it. As a pundit on MSNBC he's easy to avoid. Nobody really watches that channel anyway. It's when he ventures back into the sports world and airs his opinions that he comes off as unprofessional. Partisan punditry has no place in sports broadcasting. As a fan of the Dan Patrick Show on ESPN Radio, I have to change the station during the hour every day that Olbermann joins Dan. He's a poor broadcaster. He uses way too many words to get his point across and, politics aside, his opinions are usually way off. The fact that he's an admitted New York Yankee apologist doesn't help him either. As he joins Football Night in America, he will be in front of his largest audience ever. I would love to see him make a fool of himself and get yanked amid controversy. ESPN sure wasn't afraid to pull the trigger on firing Limbaugh from its Sunday morning NFL show after he said something stupid.

Projectionists: One Pant Leg at a Time

2007-04-11T08:40:00.002-07:00

In New York last week, families expecting to see PG-rated The Last Mimzy starring Rainn Wilson (Dwight from The Office) instead got the opening for The Hills Have Eyes II which apparently includes a rather graphic opening sequence where a woman gives birth to a deformed baby. The children in the audience were traumatized, especially the 3-year-old whose mother is pregnant. How could this have happened? Easy. The projectionist screwed up. This news story takes me back to my days as a movie theater projectionist. For two years while I was in high school I worked at the Cineplex Odeon at South Towne Mall in Sandy, Utah. You know, the building in the corner of the parking lot that is now an REI. To this day that remains the best job I've ever had, maybe not in terms of pay, but it was the most fun I've ever had at work and the benefits were awesome: free movies and fountain drinks, access to garbage bags filled with popcorn and second dibs on movie posters (first dibs went to the management, but I still managed to get my hands on some pretty cool posters for my collection). I've also got a bunch of movie trailers on 35 mm film. Of course I have no way of watching them. Included among my collection is the music video to Tom Petty's "Into the Great Wide Open" starring Johnny Depp (seen below, 6:32). It's probably worth something now, and will go up in value once theaters are entirely digital.

That brings us back to the mishap in New York. I will explain how film projectors work these days. A film arrives at a movie theater a day or two before it opens in big canisters. Most movies are five or six reels long. The projectionist will then take the reels of film and splice them together into one giant reel that is maybe four feet in diameter and put it on a giant platter. Typically, the projector will have next to it a stand that holds three platters. In the case of the mix up in New York, one platter had Mimzy, another had Hills 2 and the third one was empty. During the early screenings, Mimzy runs from its platter, through the projector and onto the empty platter where it is collected. The film is pulled from the center as the platter turns so the film doesn't get twisted. There is no need for rewinding because the film just runs from platter to empty platter. In the evening, it's Hills 2's turn. You can see how the mix up happened. All projectionists screw up. The question is how badly. Luckily, my worst problems consisted of starting a movie 15 minutes late and mixing up the sprocket count so when the movie transitioned from Reel 2 to Reel 3 it jumped out of frame (each frame has four sprocket holes on either side. You can't splice a full frame to 3/4 of a frame or the film won't stay in frame). In my time working at the Odeon, I was able to witness the far worse projectionist errors of others, like putting reels together out of order or worse, putting a reel on upside down and backwards. Good times. Anyway, the whole experience made movie going less fun for me. It bothers me when conditions in a theater aren't perfect, probably more so than average movie goers, although they bother me too, but that's the topic for another post.

Sunglasses & Snarky Dialogue

2007-04-05T22:58:00.003-07:00

I hereby present to you irrefutable evidence that David Caruso is the worst actor of our time. However, I will say this: nobody—and I mean nobody—is better at putting on sunglasses. Unintentional comedy is a wonderful thing.

Clips are from CSI: Miami (2:14)

2007 NCAA Tournament

2007-04-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

This year's NCAA Tournament was, to put it mildly, a little disappointing. The fact that the only first round upsets were two 11 seeds over 6 seeds (a 9 seed over an 8 seed doesn't count no matter how badly you wanted BYU to win), takes away from the fun. The subsequent rounds weren't much better as the lowest seed in the Sweet 16 was 7-seeded UNLV, who once they, along with Butler and Southern Illinois, were knocked out, left no one to cheer for. Ohio State's disgusting comeback over Xavier pretty much summed it up. To give some perspective, last year in the ESPN.com NCAA Tournament Challenge a total of four people out of 3 million participants correctly predicted the Final Four which consisted of UCLA, Florida, LSU and George Mason (seeds 2, 3, 4 and 11). This year's Final Four (two 1 seeds and two 2 seeds) was picked by 161,000 people. Sure, Kansas fans were happy to finally see their team get out of the first round after losing to 13 seed Bradley last year and 14 seed Bucknell the year before. But what about the rest of us? Give us our upsets!

I don't mean to sound too bitter. The tournament wasn't all bad. There were some close games with exciting finishes, and a rematch of the College Football BCS Championship Game was kind of interesting particularly now that Florida owns Ohio State. It could have been worse. Duke or North Carolina could have won. It's hard to hate Florida. I think it's admirable that their starters stuck around for another year. Although, I can't get past how much Joakim Noah looks like a girl, specifically Lisa Bonet (Denise Huxtable from The Cosby Show).

One positive about the tournament turned out to be the NBA's new rule barring players from entering the draft straight from high school. One year and done isn't a whole lot better, but don't doubt for a minute that Ohio State would rather have had one year's services from Greg Oden than none. The same goes for Kevin Durant and Texas. Plus, in looking ahead to the NBA Draft, I can actually say that I know who the top players are.

As for CBS's coverage of the tournament, I guess I would say it was the same as always. I got tired of Greg Gumbel. Clark Kellogg is OK. Seth Davis should stay away from television and stick to writing. Jim Nantz was as solid as ever and while I don't much care for Billy Packer, I'll take him over Bill Raftery any day. Seriously, how in the world does CBS put up with that guy and they way he calls basketball games? He's been described as "a border collie with Tourette Syndrome." I've decided he's worse than Bill Walton, but I'm not sure if he's worse than Dick Vitale. That's a toss up. I think I'd give the annoyance edge to Vitale because while he and Raftery are both morons with frequent spurts of mind-numbing garble spewing from their mouths, Vitale's voice is grating even when he's not saying something stupid, as rare as that may be. Fear the day if ESPN (Vitale's employer) ever gets broadcast rights to the tournament.

Fletch Lives Again

2007-03-31T12:46:00.002-07:00

I've always been a big fan of the Fletch movies, especially the original Fletch from 1985, since I grew up in Utah and can really appreciate the Utah jokes that are tossed around (seen below, 1:34). I've even driven past the Mountain View Motel where Fletch stays on his trip to Provo (Utah, not Spain).

A sequel has been in various stages of development since the mid 1990's, but it now appears that things might finally proceed. Much like how James Bond was reinvented by returning the character to his literary beginnings, Irwin "Fletch" Fletcher is set to do the same. Currently in the works is Fletch Won based on Gregory McDonald's novel, which chronologically is the first of Fletch's adventures as a journalist solving crimes. It's no surprise, therefore, that Chevy Chase won't be reprising his role as Fletch, which is too bad since he isn't doing a whole lot these days (although he did portray a drunken Mel Gibson in a recent episode of Law & Order). Instead, rumors are that Zach Braff, best known as Dr. John "J.D." Dorian on Scrubs, will step into the title role. It's not a surprising choice, since Scrubs creator Bill Lawrence is set to direct. Besides, given J.D.'s penchant for daydreaming, I guess I can see him as Fletch, as long as the movie isn't as slap-sticky as Scrubs.

The only question remaining involves the movie's potential heroine. Given Braff's track record, it will no doubt be someone completely out of his league. Seriously, he probably has it written into his contract that anyone cast as a love interest must be a pretty girl who he would not otherwise be able to date. He hooked up with Natalie Portman in Garden State and Rachel Bilson, one of the beautiful people of The O.C., in The Last Kiss.

It's even more extreme on Scrubs. Below is a sample of the women his character has dated at some point during the six seasons of Scrubs. I mean, look at him and then look at them!

Top Row: Sarah Chalke, Elizabeth Bogush, Sarah Lancaster (Gift Shop Girl), Amy Smart (Tasty Coma Wife), Tara Reid. Bottom Row: Heather Graham, Juliana Margulies, Mandy Moore, Maria Menounos, Elizabeth Banks.

McQueen Cool

2007-03-24T10:05:00.002-07:00

Today marks the 77th anniversary of the birth of the late Steve McQueen. The first thing I'd ever heard of McQueen was how cool he was. Nobody could elaborate further except to say that he was just cool. So I watched some of his movies: The Great Escape, The Magnificent Seven, The Getaway, Bullitt, Hell Is for Heroes, Nevada Smith (yea for righteous vengeance), The Towering Inferno and the original Thomas Crown Affair. The first two are great movies, the rest fall somewhere between mediocre and halfway decent and are quite dated. McQueen did not exactly wow me with his acting ability in any of them, but his coolness was undeniable. He seemed to exude all the adjectives associated with being cool: nonchalant, rebellious, brooding, unconcerned. He was a movie star because it was cool to be a movie star. He was the bad guy you rooted for. The end of The Great Escape sums it up: he's the loner trying to escape the Nazis by jumping a barbed-wire fence on a motor cycle. I came up with the closest actors we have to being McQueen Cool today. Below are the candidates and why each one fails.

Brad Pitt: He takes himself a little too seriously. His Long & Serious Trilogy (Legends of the Fall, Meet Joe Black, and Seven Years in Tibet) had good moments but would have been better if they weren't so... well, long and serious. Also, he takes too many roles where he makes himself look ugly so as to prove he has acting ability and not just good looks. If Pitt were as cool as McQueen, he wouldn't care what people thought of him.

George Clooney: The ladies like him and the guys would like to be him, but he's too polarizing because of his political stands. Hollywood types trying to use their celebrity to forward a political agenda just aren't cool.

Matt Damon: The Bourne Trilogy has grown on me. It stands out among the other serialized action franchises. However, what will forever keep Damon from the being McQueen Cool is his association with Ben Affleck. If ever there was a guy who wishes he were cool, it's Affleck.

Vin Diesel: While I didn't see The Pacifier, I felt it was too soon for someone of his action movie caliber to take on such a comedic role. Sure, Stallone did it with Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot and Schwarzenegger did it with Twins and then again with Kindergarten Cop and then again with Junior and then again with Jingle All the Way. On second thought, maybe Arnold really was a comedic actor after all. My point is that Vin Diesel was really building himself from an action hero into The Action Hero. I mean, did you see him in XXX? He was wearing a fur coat and not only getting away with it, but making it seem cool.

Daniel Craig: Casino Royale was cool. The idea of reinventing James Bond was a gamble, but it seems to have worked. It took a movie franchise that had once been cool but had more recently been kind of silly and gave it new life. It's too soon to tell if Craig can become as cool as Sean Connery, let alone Steve McQueen.

Jason Statham: He was Handsome Rob. He was the Transporter. He could kick your butt. Statham successfully works together the tough guy persona with the sensitive type. He's not quite main stream enough to be McQueen Cool, but over time he might be able to become such.

Johnny Depp: Over the past few years, his rebel status has faded some. And while I've liked him in his many collaborations with Tim Burton (Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, Sleepy Hollow, Corpse Bride, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), if I had to use one word to characterize Tim Burton, that word would be "weird" (if I could use two words, however, they would be "dark" and "edgy"). Weird rarely translates to cool (unless you're one of those people whose favorite channel is Sci-Fi).

Will Smith: His rapper background lends him street cred, but his current wholesome family man image isn't cool. It's commendable and a refreshing change from Hollywood's normal family values, but it's not McQueen Cool. Plus, if you ever watch reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air it makes you wonder why 80's fashion gets such a bad rap compared the "hip" 90's clothes on display in that show.

John Cusack: Everyone still talks about his Say Anything's Lloyd Dobler and Better Off Dead is one of my all-time favorites. The problem with Cusack, however, is that he seems to have been unable to get past the high school movie genre, as least as far as mainstream is concerned. Sure, there are a few exceptions: Being John Malkovich, High Fidelity, Grosse Pointe Blank, but even that last one was set in the backdrop of a high school reunion. The rest of his recent movies have been forgettable chick flicks.

Tobey Maguire: Just kidding. This loser is anything but cool.

Colin Farrell: He was up and coming for a while there and the bad-boy image is certainly alive. However, Alexander set him back a little bit and Miami Vice turned what was the epitome of cool 80's television into a lame display of testosterone and violence.

Jamie Foxx: I just can't get past his scrunched up, sour, screw-ball face from In Living Color (the black Saturday Night Live. While SNL had their token black guy Chris Rock, ILC had their token white guy Jim Carey). Also, sometimes it seems that Foxx is trying a little too hard to be cool.

Kiefer Sutherland: His 24 persona Jack Bauer is cool, but in looking at Kiefer's body of work, I'd almost say Donald is the cooler Sutherland.

Denzel Washington: He's another one of those actors that takes himself too seriously, and he's getting up in age. Plus, is it just me or have every one of his movies lately been exactly the same? Another thing I've noticed about Denzel is his leading ladies are always unknowns. You get five bonus points if you have heard of even one of the following: Paula Patton, Radha Mitchell, Salli Richardson, Kimberly Elise, Nicole Ari Parker, Embeth Davidtz.

So tell me what you think. Do any of the above actors have what it takes to be McQueen Cool?

A Quiet Plug for Andy Barker

2007-03-20T13:08:00.005-07:00

Andy Richter has a new sitcom on NBC called Andy Barker P.I. After seeing the pilot episode I can say that it's funny in a dry humor sort of way. It's not in the same ball park as The Office, but it does provide some good laughs. Richter is one of those guys who is really funny but without the right vehicle it doesn't quite work. He has that perfect clueless stare that lets you know he's an everyman and if you pay close attention, you'll probably figure things out before he does. It's too early to tell if Barker P.I. is the right vehicle, but the show does have potential. The premise of the show is that Andy Barker is an accountant who rents an office previously occupied by a private investigator. Some residual business trickles in mistaking him for a PI and you can see where this is going. Barker's reluctant at first, but he finds the lure of adventure too strong to ignore. He tells his wife "You know that feeling that I get when I hit the equal sign on the calculator and the number on the calculator is the same number that's on the worksheet? It felt like that, honey." With the help of movie expert Simon, played by Tony Hale (Buster from Arrested Development), he solves the case and sets himself up for future misadventures.

Another great example of Richter's comedic talent is the episode of Arrested Development where he plays himself and his four identical quintuplet brothers (seen below, 4:08). Incidentally, his turn in the 2002 movie Big Trouble as two twin brothers, one a mall security guard, the other an airport security guard, was also pretty funny. Here's to hoping Andy Barker P.I. develops into a funny creative hit and lasts beyond its original 6 episodes. Knowing my track record of picking shows, it won't.

Revisiting the 1980's

2007-03-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

Shortly after launching my web log, I added a site meter to keep track of the traffic I get. One of the features is that if someone found my site by way of Google or another search engine, I know exactly what words the person typed in for their search. Below are some of my favorite examples.

Life Lessons From The Simpsons
what Meat Loaf won't do
"Nestor the long-eared Christmas donkey"
racial tension in Maryland
Jean-Claude Van Damme on CSI: Miami
talking animals political agenda cartoons
James Earl Jones
an awkward pelvic thrust of a movie
Erik Estrada sexy Latin groove
"3 Fast 3 Furious: Tokyo Drift"
Willie Nelson fighting marijuana thing with anger
Rex Grossman won't admit he's a Jew
I am a Martin Lawrence look alike any casting calls

Aside from the kick I get from reading people's search words, the site meter also helps me see which topics are of particular interest to the web surfers out there. I must admit that by far, the most search engine directed traffic on my web log comes because of a simple post I did back in November, called A Tribute to Bad 80's Sitcoms. My site averages 16 visits a day, and I would estimate that at least three or four of those come from Google where the person typed in all or some of of the words "bad american television sitcoms of the 1980's."

So, in an attempt to give the people what they want, I have drafted a second post devoted to Bad Sitcoms of the 1980's. This one takes a where-are-they-now approach. So let's look at what has become of those beloved losers of yesteryear. We'll avoid the obviously degrading examples like those D-list celebrity reality shows and focus on those with the more impressive, or conversely, more comical careers.

Soleil Moon Frye: After Punky Brewster ended in 1988, our budding young actress followed the path of so many child stars before her: a few TV movies and then disappear into oblivion, unless of course, you count her role as Roxie on Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. Now 30, she does voice work for cartoons (my dream job) with some work behind the camera.

Scott Baio: After Charles in Charge, he went on to star in such classic television shows as Baby Talk (essentially the TV version of Look Who's Talking, featuring the voice talents of Tony Danza as the baby) and Diagnosis Murder. Beyond appearances on random TV shows and in bad TV movies, his only other noteworthy role was as Bob Loblaw in Arrested Development. I never had a chance to read it, but I'm sure the Bob Loblaw Law Blog was both fascinating and insightful.
Nicole Eggert and Josie Davis (Jamie & Sarah Powell): One was hot, the other was... well, not. Things have changed. Eggert cashed in on her beauty and starred in Baywatch. Since then, she has probably smoked one too many packs of cigerettes and looks older than her 35 years. Davis, meanwhile got a nose job and is now regularly cast as the hot girlfriend.
Alexander Polinsky (Adam Powell): He played the irritating younger brother on Charles in Charge. Like so many actors from the past, he now does mostly voice work these days, although it is worth noting he was one of the main characters in Saints & Soldiers.
Willie Aames (Buddy Lembeck): He has all of his fellow Charles in Charge cast members beat. After a downward spiral of drugs and alcohol, Aames got religion and starred as the title character in the Bible Man TV series (Note: This show probably warrants its own post, but we'll leave it for now): "Miles Peterson, a regular guy with the best the world had to offer, turned to God and the Bible in his most desperate hour and from then on pledged to fight evil with the word of God. Disguised in the full armor of God as Bible Man, Miles fights against enemies of darkness using scripture." From the photos, he also appears to have a light saber. The villains he has fought include The Gossip Queen, Dr. Fear and The Prince of Pride, who shoots people with his ego-stimulating, heat-radonic seismo-ray which creates an egoplasmic distortionary electro-field, causing people to focus on themselves instead of God.

Brice Beckham (Wesley Owens from Mr. Belvedere): Since returning to acting following an eight-year hiatus, Beckham has had only a few small parts. He was recently cast in the new VH1 "scripted half-hour ensemble series, I Hate My 30's, an irreverent comedy about struggling with the end of prolonged adolescence while facing the realities and responsibilities of what happens when your 20's end and your 30's begin." To get off topic for a minute, it would seem that MTV is all Reality TV and now VH1 appears to be going for scripted. Is there a channel out there that still plays music videos, and more importantly, would anybody care if the answer were "no"?

The Cast of Small Wonder: Emily Schulman, who played the annoying next door neighbor Harriet, was on the TV show Christy (the poor man's Anne of Green Gables) in 1995. Dick Christie, who played Ted Lawson, the father, has had bit parts as recently as 1999. Nobody else did any more acting work beyond 1991, which is real shame given the collective acting talent of the cast. Of course, by now you've probably heard that Jerry Supiran (Jamie Lawson, the chubby son with an overbite) later changed his name to Billy Corgan and formed the alternative rock group Smashing Pumpkins. Some say that is an urban legend, but when my friends and I first heard the rumor when we were in college, we decided then and there that we would do our part to spread it even if it wasn't true, nay especially if it wasn't true.

Alf: After the TV series ended, Alf continued to show up as a guest star on various TV shows. He was given a hit talk show (cleverly titled Alf's Hit Talk Show) in 2004 and even though it was canceled after only four episodes, something tells me we haven't seen the last of Alf. Personally, I would like to see him return in either a buddy cop sitcom or a gritty police procedural drama in which the cases unfold from the criminal's perspective. In either scenario, I can picture Alf arriving at a mansion where some millionaire's trophy wife has just been found floating in the pool with cocaine in her system, but Alf doesn't care about the small details just yet because he hasn't had his morning coffee. But somehow you know by the end of the episode he will piece it all together, but not before the chief calls him into his office and chews him out because he's tired of defending Alf's screwball antics to the commissioner.

Sconefest 9: The Soundtrack

2007-03-07T14:30:00.000-07:00

The Official Soundtrack for Sconefest 9: The Farewell Party was finally released this week, putting to rest months of speculation surrounding its contents. Like the previous Sconefest albums, the latest mixes classic rock with the more modern fair and even has a little foreign flavor. It also kicks things off with the mellow "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, as sort of a tribute to Sconefest 5's Opening "What a Wonderful World" by Louie Armstrong. Below is the track list.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Iz American Pie - Don McLean I Am a Rock - Simon & Garfunkel I Would Do Anything for Love - Meat Loaf Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeplin Superman - The Kinks Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand Somebody Told Me - The Killers Cells - The Servant Pain - Jimmy Eat World Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana Extreme Ways - Moby Sera - Legiao Urbana Besame Mucho - The Beatles Golden Brown - The Stranglers Concrete and Clay - Unit 4 + 2 Butterfly - Weezer Mbira - Los Angeles Guitar Quartet Free Love Freeway - Ricky Gervais
The reviews are mixed. Many critics are questioning the timing of the release. Sconefest 9 took place nearly two years ago, but the soundtrack is only now getting to market. Still, reviews of the album itself are mostly positive as the majority of critics would agree it fits along side the with the other six albums.

Andy Bernard 2

2007-02-26T11:28:00.004-07:00

Back in November I pieced together clips from The Office of the slightly unstable Andy Bernard, Regional Director in Charge of Sales, played by Ed Helms and posted it on YouTube (You can see my web blog post showcasing the clip here). At last count, it had been viewed over 121,000 times. So to commemorate, I have pieced together a second volume of The Best of Andy Bernard, shown below (5:12).

The Oscars: My Thoughts

2007-02-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

Before we begin, I must make a confession. What I am about to admit will probably greatly undermine my credibility and change the very perceptions related to this web log. But, I really don't care what you people think, so here goes. I didn't watch the Oscars. I rarely do. What's more, I have seen only three of the movies that were nominated for Academy Awards this year. That's right, of the 57 movies that can call themselves Oscar Nominees, I have seen only three: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (Visual Effects, Art Direction, Sound Editing, Sound Mixing), Superman Returns (Visual Effects) and Monster House (Best Animated Feature). As a result, I didn't care who won in many of the categories. I would, however, like to comment on one category: Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role. Forest Whitaker was pretty much a lock for his portrayal of Ugandan dictator Idi Amin in The Last King of Scotland. Critics have praised his performance as one the greatest in film history. Which brings me to my point: Peter O'Toole has the worst luck. This year marked O'Toole's eighth nomination for Best Actor, yet he has never won. Timing is largely to blame. If you look at the eight actors he has lost to (listed below), with perhaps one exception, it is a virtual who's who of legendary performances.

1963: Gregory Peck - To Kill a Mockingbird
1965: Rex Harrison - My Fair Lady
1969: Cliff Robertson - Charly
1970: John Wayne - True Grit
1973: Marlon Brando - The Godfather
1981: Robert De Niro - Raging Bull
1983: Ben Kingsley - Ghandi
2007: Forest Whitaker - The Last King of Scotland

Had O'Toole's greatest performance, playing the title character in Lawrence of Arabia, been given any other year, he would have won easily. But he ended up going against Peck's Atticus Finch who was named AFI's greatest film hero of all time. O'Toole, despite never winning a competitive Oscar (he was given an honorary award by the Academy in 2003), will go down as one of the greatest actors of all time. In its review of Venus, the movie for which O'Toole was nominated this year, The New York Times said "(The two main characters') unlikely, uneven friendship provides the movie with a thin, wobbly dramatic peg, but it turns out to be just enough for Mr. O’Toole to show the younger guys out there — the Leos and the Brads and, for that matter, the Daniel Craigs — how the thing is done properly."

The next point I would like to make is that is that the Academy Awards are, for the most part, a farce. It's little more than Hollywood congratulating itself in an awesome display of grandeur and excess. That is not to say that I discount the importance of the Oscars, specifically in terms of increased popularity and financial return for the films and individuals involved. My biggest complaint, however, is how momentum and politics play too big of a part in the voting process. It doesn't reflect well on the Academy that of last 10 Best Picture winners, as many as seven probably wouldn't win today if the voting were to be redone. And that's just recent history. Go back further and Oscar comes off as only slightly better than randomly picking winners. The often-cited example is 1942 when How Green Was My Valley beat out both Citizen Kane and The Maltese Falcon. Another is the fact that Alfred Hitchcock and Cary Grant never won Oscars. The list goes on an on.

So as Hollywood recovers from its collective hangover and gets back to actually making movies, I, the non-moviegoer, can get back to watching regularly scheduled TV programs.

Horrific Numbers

2007-02-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

There's a new horror movie opening this weekend. OK, I made that up. I didn't actually bother to check if there is a new horror movie opening or not, but I'm guessing there is. I know I'm not the only one who has noticed that it seems like there is one opening every weekend. I went back and counted and there were no less than 20 horror movies that opened during 2006* (listed below).

Hostel
When a Stranger Calls
Final Destination 3
The Hills Have Eyes
Stay Alive
Slither
Silent Hill
An American Haunting
See No Evil
The Omen
The Descent
Pulse
The Wicker Man
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
The Grudge 2
Saw III
The Return
Horrorfest: 8 Films to Die For
Turistas
Black Christmas

That list doesn't include movies I considered borderline horror like Scary Movie 4, Underworld: Evolution, Snakes on a Plane, Monster House and The Covenant. Also, I counted the eight movies of Horrorfest as one. While 20 movies may not even be one every other week, it's still a lot when you compare it to the breakdown of other genres. There were 15 CGI movies that opened in 2006, 11 romantic comedies or other such "light" fair, 11 movies aimed at black audiences (black comedies or inner-city gang life depictions), six superhero movies, five sports movies based on true stories, five Christmas movies, three movies with an environmentalist theme, two dance movies, two September 11th movies, two turn-of-the-century magician movies, one spelling bee movie and no Vin Diesel movies (unless you count his cameo at the end of 3 Fast 3 Furious: Tokyo Drift). There were also 16 sequels and 9 remakes released in 2006 (that doesn't include the horror movies which would change the numbers to 20 & 13 respectively).

While we're on the topic of horror movies, I would like to comment on Open Water 2: Adrift which went straight to video and is available this week. It is a sequel to the low budget Open Water released at Sundance in 2003 which is based on a real life couple that was diving near Australia and was left by the boat only to never be seen or heard from again. Sort of. The whole abandoning part is borrowed from real life, the rest is made up. In the sequel, "a group of old high-school friends embark on a weekend cruise aboard a luxurious yacht, only to find themselves embroiled in a fight for their lives. Out on the open ocean, what's meant to be a harmless prank turns out to be a fatal mistake, as Dan playfully tosses aqua-phobic Amy into the water and jumps in himself alongside the rest of the passengers, only to find they've forgotten to lower the boarding ladder. What's worse, Amy's baby is still on board. When the yacht proves impossible to climb, panic and anger soon set in, and the once-happy reunion turns into a battle for survival." Sounds like a winner to me. There's just one problem, the makers of this film expect me to believe that not one crew member saw that episode of King of the Hill where the exact same thing happened to Hank and the fellas? All they would need to do is puncture the fuel line releasing gasoline in to the water and then light the trail with the spare match that the group's smoker keeps in a zip-lock bag under his hat. The rescue helicopter will then see the smoke and come to save the swimmers. It's almost too easy. By the way, if horror movies are going to continue to borrow plot lines from cartoons, The Simpsons had quite a few Treehouse of Horror episodes they can use, like the one with zombies or the one with the house that kills people or the one with children at a wizard school or the one where a young boy with the shinnin' is chased by a axe-wielding lunatic father figure or the one where the main characters accidentally kill someone with their car and then try to cover it up only to be stalked by the person they killed because as it turns out he wasn't really dead. They're all great potential horror movies and all ripe for the plucking.

* Includes all movies that opened in 2006 and achieved Top 10 box office results for at least one weekend

USA 2, Mexico 0

2007-02-08T19:50:00.002-07:00

Last night, Sherstin and I along with Matt Hansen went to a soccer "friendly" between USA and Mexico here in Phoenix. Why on earth they chose to play Mexico in Phoenix is beyond me. Before the game, reports said that it would be a pro-Mexican crowd so I was naively hoping for 60-40 in favor of Mexico. Try 80-20. Of the 64,000+ fans in attendance, more than 50,000 were cheering for Mexico. It was totally different from the USA vs Costa Rica World Cup Qualifier in Salt Lake. Not only were there more fans with green jerseys, but they were certainly louder. Anytime a US player would line up for a corner kick, he would get rained on by drinks from the stands. It was nuts, but the US won 2-0 continuing their dominance over their bitter rival here in the US. In fact, Mexico has not scored a goal on US soil in nearly eight years. US keeper Tim Howard deserves a lot of the credit. With the shutout he lowered his career goals-allowed average to 0.58 per 90 minutes, the lowest in team history. He had a great game. At the opposite end of the spectrum is the Mexican keeper. The posters for the game had the catch phrase "Come see the beautiful game get ugly." It certainly did. After the second US goal Mexican keeper Oswaldo Sanchez tried to cheap shot Eddie Johnson of the US. He stuck out his foot to trip him as he ran by, even the though ball was already in the back of the net. After the game the Mexican players stayed true to form by not shaking hands or exchanging jerseys, something they have failed to do the past several times they have lost to the US. It was a ton of fun, though, especially with the atmosphere the Mexican fans brought. Matt said "I've never wanted a team to win so badly." I know what he meant. As we were leaving the stadium, the Mexican fans were still blowing their horns, pounding their drums and waving their flags. Imagine if they had won.

Untapped Goldmine

2007-02-05T14:45:00.000-07:00

As Hollywood studios look for new source material to make predictable yet entertaining movies, no media is off limits. Studios do this because the risk is less and borrowing from other sources often means a built-in fan base. From remakes of old movies to adaptations of TV shows, video games and comic books, it's all fair game. Even theme park rides are getting their turn on the big screen. One market, however, remains a gold mine of untapped movie potential: workout videos. Workout videos, for the most part, are all the same in their routines, but vastly different in their themes and target audiences. As long as the exerciser gets to pretend to do or be something else, the video has a market. Humor columnist Dave Barry once wrote "we drive our cars to health clubs so we can run on treadmills. We pedal furiously on exercise bicycles that do not go anywhere. We take elevators every chance we get, but we buy expensive machines that enable us to pretend we're climbing stairs." Now in applying this principle to movies, the studios must be able capture the imagination of audiences just as the workout videos have done. They can do this through catchy tag lines and solid casting, all while remaining loyal to the fans of the original source material. Below are actual workout videos that would translate seamlessly to the silver screen. I've even gone a step further and provided a brief synopsis and a few casting ideas. Let's see how many movie clichés I can hit in the process.

Title: Abs of Steel
Tagline: Go ahead, take your best shot.
Synopsis: This is a super hero movie about a flabby, middle-aged insurance salesman by day who fights crime on the mean streets of St. Paul, Minnesota by night. His super power is, you guessed it, his abs of steel. He lulls unsuspecting bad guys into bar fights where he leaves himself open for a sucker punch to the gut and his opponents make the mistake of their lives. Of course the street scum at play here are always dumb enough to punch him in the stomach with their other hand even though they have severely broken their first hand. After one unfulfilling night working the bars, he decides he's ready for the big time and crosses over to Minneapolis to take on a super villain is who is not dumb enough to fall for the sucker punch. Yet somehow our hero triumphs in the end and saves the girl and the twin cities.
Cast: Tim Allen, who seems to have a knack for playing middle-aged guys with one last shot at redemption. I'm waiting for him to show up in a Disney sports movie as a recovering alcoholic coach that leads a team of misfits to glory. Also starring: Michelle Pfeiffer as the middle-aged damsel and Dick Van Dyke as the villain, a role that will shock and disappoint his Diagnosis Murder fans.

Title: Bikini Body Camp
Tagline: Summer camp just got a little skimpier.
Synopsis: Your basic sexy teen comedy about a summer camp where all the girls are hot and wear bikinis and all the guys are losers but will stop at nothing to "get some." There will be a stern camp counselor who gets his comeuppance in the end. The protagonist, though goofy and not without his quirks, would be endearing and able to overcome his earlier examples of poor judgment that alienated him from the woman he loves. The girls would be little more than eye candy, except for one intelligent girl (who would be hot without her glasses, but the filmmakers want you to focus on her brains). She is only at the camp because the extra-curricular activity will look good on her Ivy League college application. In the end she would hook up with our protagonist even if it's asking too much of the audience to suspend disbelief in the notion that those two would have anything to talk about.
Cast: Your run-of-the-mill no-name teens that are currently starring on the CW and can use this film as a way of crossing over into movies.

Title: The Firm
Tagline: Power can be murder to resist.
Synopsis: A young lawyer joins a prestigious Southern law firm only to find that it is run by the mafia. He also discovers his bosses are watching his every move. He must somehow escape this life while trying to save his marriage, which is in jeopardy because he was stupid enough to fall for a woman on the beach that was planted by the firm. There is another dirty secret: the evil firm has been vastly over billing its clients, creating one of the most intriguing and dramatic white collar crime dramas ever.
Cast: Tom Cruise and a grizzled Gene Hackman, with smaller parts by Hal Holbrook, Jeanne Tripplehorn and an even more grizzled Wilford Brimley.

Title: Belly Dance: East Coast Tribal
Tagline: The hips can be a very dangerous weapon.
Synopsis: This gritty street drama takes a look at the ever looming war between the East and West coast belly dance gangs. This would be the most violent of the many dance movies out there. The music, just like in the workout video, would be provided by Freek Factory.
Cast: Salma Hayek (from Mexico) and Penelope Cruz (from Spain) on opposite sides of the war. Both would play Egyptians, which we all know have the most violent mafia among all of those that have immigrated to the US.

Title: Fit Mama
Tagline: She's hip, she's fit, she's back for more action.
Synopsis: This would be the cornerstone piece of a Big Momma's House trilogy. In it, we would see our black Mrs. Doubtfire slim down (by getting a smaller fat suit) in order to bust a drug smuggling ring operating out of a gym. The fat jokes would be replaced by more black jokes and even some white jokes at the expense of the inept sidekick. In fact, if we make him Jewish as well, there are a lot more jokes to be made, all in good fun of course. The key is to have the Jew make the Jewish jokes and the black guy, or "brother," make the black jokes, but since he's a minority, he also gets to make a few white jokes as well, as long as they're about whitie's lack of rhythm and/or inability to dance.
Cast: Martin Lawrence and David Krumholtz (that nerd guy from Numb3rs).

Title: Yoga Booty Ballet
Tagline: This masterpiece is about to get a master piece of whoopin'.
Synopsis: An uneducated yet charming streetwise black girl from the inner city gets accepted to a prestigious ballet academy by way of a clerical error or affirmative action; either way she doesn't fit in, but she is undaunted. At first she struggles to find her groove, but then she receives support in the form of the nice white girl who finally has found favor with the snobby rich girls but forsakes it for true friendship. The two quickly rise to the top of the ballet class with their unorthodox street style of ballet dancing. The rich girls will stop at nothing to bring down the duo, even if it means spreading lies that reach the white girl's love interest, a handsome but shallow pretty boy. In the end all but one rich girl come to embrace the two and the white girl realizes she loves the guy that grew up next door to her even though he is kind of ugly (although not as much when you take off his glasses), since he's nice and has been supportive the whole time. As the closing song swells the white girl starts kissing him without any doubt that he loves her back even though she has treated him poorly. Meanwhile the black girl, who has made her point and doesn't need love, is happy just the same. But wait, the eccentric nerd who you may or may not have noticed in the background the whole movie professes his love for the black girl and the two realize that love is in store for them too.
Cast: A young Queen Latifa-type actress who is not afraid of the physical comedy and Hilary Duff or Amanda Bynes as the white girl. The rest would be more CW actors who, although 32, would play teenagers.

Title: Semper Fit: The Marine Corps Workout
Tagline: In this army, it's survival of the fittest.
Synopsis: A lone marine must save a small African village from a volcanic eruption and rescue the hot but impetuous journalist from the clutches of evil, blood-thirsty war lords, all while trying to honor the memory of his father, who may or may not have been on the take. With the help of an older mentor who knew his father the marine will employ state-of-art gadgetry and a general disregard for authority as he makes a lot of stuff explode. But be aware, the evil war lords have sent a deadly sexy secret agent in to seduce and distract the marine. It's only later that we discover she is really good at heart, but the war lords have kidnapped her scientist father and are using him to build a device that makes volcanoes erupt.
Cast: Some hunky martial arts expert as the marine, a blond with a penchant for overacting as the reporter, some R&B artist turned actress as the secret agent, a washed up 80's action hero as the mentor and Yaphet Kotto (from Homicide: Life on the Street) as the kingpin war lord.

Title: Special Ops: Navy Seal Workout
Tagline: In this navy, it's survival of the fittest.
Synopsis: See Semper Fit above, but this one would take place in the Caribbean instead of Africa and instead of remembering his father, he is searching for his older brother who mysteriously vanished 8 years ago. We later learn that his brother is in league with the drug lord (instead of war lord) who wears a white suit and colorful shirt with an open collar. He would also have at least three rings among his 10 fingers and perhaps a scar from some violent event in his past that has served to make him the cold-hearted killer he is today. And he would smoke a cigar in almost every scene of the movie, especially the scene where he shows us, the audience, how cold and heartless he is by calmly killing one of his henchmen who has made a small error in judgment and underestimated our hero. Also, unlike Semper Fit, this one would have an obvious twist at the end where the mentor turns out to be a bad guy, but that's OK, because the brother gains redemption by defeating the mentor in a grueling one-on-one fight that is happening at the same time the navy seal is fighting the drug lord, who is surprisingly limber for a rich guy his age. Meanwhile, the two girls are engaged in a bitter cat fight that is rife with snarky dialog.
Cast: The same type as in Semper Fit, but with a Latin R&B artist as the secret agent and Erik Estrada (from CHiPS) as the drug lord.

Other workout videos that would make great movies: David Carradine's Tai Chi Workouts, Samba Party: Brazilian Rhythm Celebration, The Pit Workout (featuring Chuck "The Iceman" Liddell), Minna's Emergency Workout, and Pilates of the Caribbean.

Super Bowl XLI: My Thoughts

2007-02-04T22:29:00.000-07:00

The Game

The opening kickoff for a TD combined with six turnovers and a two point margin made for a great first half of football. It was all down hill from there. Even though I wanted the Colts to win, that second half was rather boring. I'm happy for Tony Dungy. He deserved to win a Super Bowl, especially after what happened to him in Tampa Bay. I don't really care about Payton Manning and his legacy, but I will say he is a solid quarterback. I also really like Marvin Harrison. In a league dominated by loud-mouthed, show-boating wide receivers, Harrison stands out as the consummate professional and I'm happy for him as well. What's interesting, is this was not the best Colts team in recent years. Last year's team was a lot better and the team from two yeas ago had a way better defense. Speaking of good defense, on the other sideline, Brian Urlacher (graduate of University of New Mexico where he played under defensive coordinator Bronco Mendenhall) and the Bears' defense were on the field way too long. Rex Grossman proved his critics right. He was probably the sole reason why the Colts were favored all week. If the Bears had even an average quarterback who made fewer mistakes to go with that killer defense (ie Trent Dilfer with the Ravens in 2001, Brad Johnson with Buccaneers in 2003), they probably would have at least been able to make the second half interesting.

The Coverage

Jim Nantz just misses being in my top 5 all-time greatest voice talents. He's probably the best in the business right now. It's funny to think that prior to joining CBS he was working for KSL in Salt Lake City doing local sports and calling Jazz games with Hot Rod Hundley. On the other hand, I got really tired of hearing Phil Simms' voice. He's better than some analysts, but Simms' constant gabbing made me glad to own a DVR. Also, in an era of just-because-you-can-doesn't-mean-you-should sports broadcasting, I was glad to see CBS not go too overboard with the TV production theatrics (the players' spinning introductions aside). As for halftime, what's the deal with The Artist Currently Known as Prince? Can someone explain why he/she/it is popular? I mean that Aunt Jemima do rag is not what I would have worn in that situation, but hey, my fashion sense has never been my strong point.

The Commercials

Once again, this year felt like sort of a let down. We saw way too many Bud Light ads that would have been only mildly amusing on a smaller stage, but when thrown in to the Super Bowl broadcast, just came up flat. The CareerBuilder.com ads weren't as good as their old ones with the monkeys. There were too many truck commercials, none of which stood out, and is anyone else tired of the GoDaddy.com ads? Don't get me wrong, you all know my stance on beautiful people, but—and this is just my advertising background talking—one hot girl in tank top will no other substance is not enough to sustain a three-year ad campaign. On the positive side, the short clip with Dave Letterman and Oprah was great considering their past feuding (or Dave's one-sided feud with Oprah). I also liked the Taco Bell Carne Asada ad with the talking lions and the voice of Ricardo Montalban (although that isn't even the funniest ad featuring Ricardo Montalban. He was in a great ad for Dunkin' Doughnuts coffee in 2003). Another great spot was for FedEx Ground (don't judge it by its name). But, my favorite commercial was the Emerald Nuts ad featuring Robert Goulet who "appears and messes with your stuff." I mean, Robert Goulet! That totally beats the Kevin Federline ad for Nationwide Insurance.

Music That Defined a Decade

2007-02-02T11:38:00.000-07:00

A look back at the evolution of popular music naturally invites a comparison of rock eras. I've always been of the opinion that the best music came out of the 60's and 70's, but having been a teenager in the 90's, I am partial to much of that music as well. The 80's is sort of a dark spot in music history. It was during the 80's that wuss rock was born and the synthesizer became vastly over used. However, one thing each decade has in common is that there is one artist or musical group that defines it—a group or individual that was not only widely popular, but that took music in a different direction. Below are my selections and I welcome disagreements. Also, help me decide which band/artist is the voice of the current decade.

1950's	1960's	1970's	1980's	1990's	2000's

Elvis Presley	The Beatles	Led Zeppelin	Michael Jackson	Nirvana

Casting Call

2007-01-26T09:15:00.003-07:00

Opening today is the movie Smokin' Aces starring Jeremy Piven as a strung out Las Vegas performer-turned-snitch who has all manner of mob hit men after him. It features an all-star cast including Andy Garcia, Jason Bateman, Ryan Reynolds, Ray Liotta, Alicia Keys and Wayne Newton. However, it looks pretty stupid and I have no intention of seeing it. In fact, here's a sample of what critics are saying: "...an exercise in excess gone over the top. It's so punch-drunk with antisocial behavior you don't know whether to laugh or write to the MPAA.", "...an awkward pelvic thrust of a movie that wishes it knew more cool moves than it actually does." and "...a movie that may not only be dumb in itself, but also the cause of dumbness in others." The only reason I am mentioning it here is Piven. I can't really tell how big of a role he has in this movie, but it is nice to see him getting out from behind the best friend type casting. He grew up with John Cusack and the two of them have appeared in 10 movies together including Gross Pointe Blank and Serendipity. Other than for playing Cusack's sidekick, Piven is also known for his part in the HBO series Entourage. Others might recognize him as evil Dean Pritchard from Old School. He also lent his voice talents to the movie Cars as well as three episodes of the animated super hero show Justice League as "The Elongated Man." Showing more of his comedic talents, Piven made brief appearance in the movie Rush Hour 2 as a clothing store clerk, seen below (1:04).

What first got me interested in Piven, however, was a feature on one of the HD channels that chronicled his trip to India. It was fascinating to see his approach to the country and the people. It was anything but touristy. I especially liked the part where he arrived in "Jew Town," a smallish Jewish community in the heart of India dating back several decades. Also interesting was his three day trip up a river just to see a small play being performed.

In a related matter, when my memoirs are adapted for the big screen, Jeremy Piven will be cast as my friend Matt Hansen on account of the fact they kind of look alike. Also, Princess Diaries star Anne Hathaway will play my sister Jenifer while Jim Caviezel (Frequency, Passion of the Christ) will be John Stockton from that time I got my picture taken with him when I was nine. The rest I'm leaving up to you, the readers. Who would play you in my movie? Feel free to comment below where it says "comments."

Image is Nothing. Humor is Everything.

2007-01-23T17:07:00.003-07:00

I've found that I tend to have more respect for an actor when he makes a guest appearance on a TV show and totally makes fun of himself. The Simpsons have had numerous examples of this over the years from English Prime Minister Tony Blair to skate boarding legend Tony Hawk (I admit neither of them are actors, so I'll give Mel Gibson, Mark Hamill and Sideshow Luke Perry as further examples). Another show that was able to convince actors to be good sports was Arrested Development. Besides Carl Weathers and the parade of actors, including Richard Belzer and John Larroquette, that came to the charity dinner to save the the Bluthes, the show also featured hilarious cameos from Andy Richter, Thomas Jane, Harry Hamlin and Hollywood Icon Ron Howard—all playing themselves (and other characters as was the case with Richter, who played himself and his four identical quintuplet brothers). However, my favorite appearance on the show was Judge Reinhold playing a TV show judge complete with William Hung & His Hung Jury. Below is the clip (4:23).

Another good example of someone willing to make fun of himself is Topher Grace (of That 70's Show) in Ocean's 12. Grace had previously appeared as himself in Ocean's 11 along with a few other celebrities who were learning to play poker from Brad Pitt's character. Grace followed that up with his cameo in the sequel which can be seen below (0:59).

Incidentally, "that Dennis Quaid movie" that he "totally phoned in" was In Good Company which earned Grace positive reviews. Newsweek went as far as to suggest he might "inherit American cinema's Everyman throne passed down from Jimmy Stewart to Jack Lemmon to Tom Hanks." But that's a topic for another post.

Happy Birthday, James Earl Jones

2007-01-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

Entertainment News would like to wish a happy 76th birthday to the great James Earl Jones. Though rarely taking the lead role, Jones has had small parts in several great movies. His very first film was the hilarious cold war satire Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb in which he played Lt. Lothar Zogg, one of the crew of the bomber piloted by Slim Pickens. Jones also played Admiral James Greer in Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan trilogy: The Hunt for Red October, Patriot Games and Clear & Present Danger (in a related note, Entertainment News does not recognize Sum of All Fears as part of the Jack Ryan trilogy because of the involvement of Ben Affleck). Jones shows up at the end of Sneakers as Bernard Abbott of the NSA to bargain with Robert Redford. He also shows up at the end of The Sandlot as Mr. Mertle, the owner of the dog on the other side of the fence. In a role that showed he could do comedy as well, Jones played the part of John Dolby in the Dana Carvey movie Clean Slate. It's funny because he plays the district attorney who is in a wheelchair and a neck brace but still manages to wear a tie through the brace. In another comedy Jones played King Jaffe Joffer, Eddie Murphy's father in Coming to America. Of course two of his most famous roles came from his voice only. He was King Mufasa in Disney's The Lion King and Darth Vader in four of the six Star Wars movies, although he almost wasn't. George Lucas originally wanted Orson Welles to be voice of Darth Vader.

It hasn't all been small parts for James Earl Jones. He was Kevin Costner's costar in Field of Dreams and he starred opposite Richard Harris in the 1995 adaptation of Cry, The Beloved Country. His biggest role, however, came in The Great White Hope, a 1970 movie based on the life of early twentieth century boxer Jack Johnson, who was the subject the Ken Burns documentary Unforgivable Blackness. It was a role for which Jones had previously won a Tony for the Broadway version.

James Earl Jones does mostly voice work these days, which is one of my dream jobs (the other is NFL punter). However, I have a voice for newspaper to go along with my face for radio (see my post on beautiful people). Later this year the voice of James Earl Jones can be heard in 2004: A Light Knight's Odyssey, an animated science fiction film also featuring the voice talents of Casey Kasem, Samuel L. Jackson (or Samuel F. Jackson as I like to call him, in honor of his favorite word), Christian Slater and John Travolta.

Also celebrating birthdays today are Zooey Deschanel (27), Kid Rock (36), Jim Carrey (45), Muhammad Ali (65), Maury Povich (68), former Yankee bench coach Don Zimmer (76), Vidal Sassoon (79), Betty White (85), and Al Capone (108).

Beautiful People in Soft Lighting

2007-01-13T17:00:00.001-07:00

Fox TV announced recently that The OC would not be picked up for a fifth season. Entertainment News bids a fond farewell the show even though I have never seen a single episode. To me The OC has always transcended television. It represents what the entertainment industry should be all about—maybe not in terms of writing, character development or quality television production in general, but in terms of casting. I can't speak for the acting abilities of the cast (although Mischa Barton was excellent in The Sixth Sense as Kyra Collins, the girl who was poisoned by her mother), but I can say this: The cast of The OC is beautiful. You see, normal-looking people like me don't want to turn on the TV and see other normal-looking people. The world is full of normal-looking people. I want to see beautiful people on TV, although apparently not enough to watch The OC. Maybe that's why it's getting the ax.

With The OC's departure from the airwaves, it has become necessary to crown a new beauty queen. We here at Entertainment News have taken on the responsibility of choosing the show with not only the most beautiful cast, but the show that best represents beautiful people everywhere. It was difficult and I'm sure many people will disagree, but I'm afraid the decision is final. So here is the countdown of the 10 nominees given in ascending order of the number of votes received from our panel of judges:

(Others receiving votes: The Ghost Whisperer, ER, Desperate Housewives, America's Next Top Model, Fear Factor, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Battlestar Galactica and ABC Family Channel's Beautiful People and Wildfire)

10. Bones: Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz are both considered beautiful, but with only two main characters, the show was a long shot from the beginning.

9. What About Brian: I really know nothing about this show other than somebody out there is probably watching because they think Brian or his friends are hot.

8. CSI: Miami: David Caruso amazes me. Not since William Shatner have we seen such an unattractive actor trying to get by on looks alone. Don't ask me why the ladies love him. It's a good thing he has a strong (and by strong I mean beautiful) supporting cast.

7. Without a Trace: I have to agree with Entertainment Weekly's assessment that adding Roselyn Sanchez to the cast did little more than increase the amount of great hair on the show, but at least there is now male-female balance. Office romance has never seemed so dangerous.

6. Lost: Sure, they look like beach bums, but they're beautiful beach bums. Do not underestimate the talents of the lighting crew and makeup artists. It's their job to make sure the cast looks beautiful.

5. Friday Night Lights: Since my post inviting people to watch Friday Night Lights, there were a few episodes where things got a little soap opera-ish, but then they evened out a little bit. The teen angst is still top notch, something I'm sure OC fans can appreciate.

4. Smallville: This is the longest running of the nominees, something that has only been made possible by adding more and more beautiful people to the cast over the years in order to combat the bad plot twists and bizarre story lines. Maybe adding more beautiful people would have saved The OC.

3. Grey's Anatomy: As someone once said of this show, "It's like ER, only sexier." What more needs to be said?

2. One Tree Hill: This show is the epitome of everything the old WB came to stand for: beautiful teens with problems bigger than yours. Somehow it survived the WB/UPN merger, but is still all about hot teen angst.

1. Las Vegas: While the show's creator may not be beautiful, he has done well to capture the superficiality that is Las Vegas. I don't watch most shows on this list, and Las Vegas is no exception (although I did see part of the episode where Jean-Claude Van Damme guest appeared as himself and died on the show), but with The OC's departure, it is comforting to know that there is a show carrying on the tradition of providing an outlet where normal-looking people like me can go to see what we should aspire to look like.